“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(We returned home on Monday after a heavy snowstorm in Pennsylvania, and I did not return to work until Thursday. This session is prefaced with my notes of two pendulum sessions I held with myself. The first on Tuesday, February 9 concerns my shaky hand and my father. The second on the morning of Wednesday, February 10 concerns Jane’s condition and my part in it, etc. It was very productive. Suffice it to say here that Jane’s own pendulum agreed with it in toto, and we spent a good deal of time discussing it. By suppertime Jane was getting some strong emotional reactions to parts of it. [Loren, incidentally, is my younger brother.]

When you were ill and not working part of Ruburt’s money went to them, and he was ashamed at resenting this, and furious at you that you would allow them to do this to him. He was sure that if the circumstances were reversed he would never bleed you to help his parents.

The neighborhood squabbles there remind him of Middle Avenue. He feels as if his mother is getting your mother to do her dirty work for her, and when your mother said to him “You are a phony,” it was also his own mother for the thousandth time putting him down.

Now. Since your reaction when Rebellers was published, he feared that you would grow to hate him for any success, if you did not succeed, since his success he felt was largely at your expense—you bought him the time in which to work.

He was also from the beginning afraid of the time it took you away from your work to record them, and felt that you must resent this. If he thought you looked tired, or at all reproachful or worried or bothered on a session night, he would feel that you did not really want to have a session. But he would cover this up, and if you were not out there with your notebook, he took this as a sign that you really did not want a session. (Long pause.)

When you did not speak of your work much he interpreted this to mean deep worry and concern on your part about it.

Now. He felt that the trappings of success might be a real threat to your working time, and therefore to your ultimate success—that you would resent this beforehand, rather than, say, discuss it and so forth. That you would resent the lack of privacy involved, and blame him for it.

Now he picked up many of these reactions, again, from you when you were ill. You also inhibited your feelings, cut yourself off from Ruburt, retreated, and were negatively motivated. In a manner of speaking he is working out problems for both of you. You have learned through his behavior, and saved yourself some other steps, for example.