“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

He then reverted to the alternate pattern of behavior he learned early (in childhood) as a defense mechanism, withholding his feelings from his own conscious knowledge as well as hiding them from you. If he were aware of them and did not share them he would feel disloyal, so if her were not to burden you with them he also had to hide them from himself.

It is only because they have been unacknowledged so many times and consciously repudiated, that they have done such harm. The protective layers were built up so strongly, and became such a part of the personality structure, that I could not bring them all toppling down from the inside.

If he succeeded he might lose your love, in other words. He closely watched your reaction after that. On a few occasions he found it negative early in the game, but any criticism later of his relationship with publishers was taken to be a symbol of an anger with him because of his books, period.

Releasing fears will allow new inspiration and optimism to emerge, to battle against any lingering negative aspects however. He cannot have too many assurances from you, he is so thirsty for them.

Now he picked up many of these reactions, again, from you when you were ill. You also inhibited your feelings, cut yourself off from Ruburt, retreated, and were negatively motivated. In a manner of speaking he is working out problems for both of you. You have learned through his behavior, and saved yourself some other steps, for example.