“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

When you turned from the habit, and would have turned to food for comfort, you denied yourself this out of fear of gaining weight. Subconsciously you felt cheated. Now the comfort was needed to begin with so that you could make up for other things that you felt you did not have, and to help you cope with problems, as you are aware.

There are reasons why you chose the particular symptoms that you have, and reasons why they emerged at this particular time. Now. There was the feeling, the inner fear that you do not have freedom of motion in the economic or professional sphere—the fear, quite simply, that you were not going to make it. Some of this has to do with the symbolism you have attached subconsciously to the age of 40, and you see yourself coming closer to it. Some has to do with your assessment of your position within the firm, with your assessment of what you would get outside the firm should you leave it.

You have not expressed your bitterness in anything like an adequate fashion. In a large manner, you hide it from your wife for fear she would consider you less manly or less in charge, and would therefore feel less secure and threatened herself.

You have taken it, subconsciously now, as a personal failure that you are not farther ahead, not only financially but in terms of the amount of power you would like to hold. You would like to kick out, but you feel you have lost your footing, hence the symptoms in the feet.

This was reflected in other portions of the body as well. As you noted, you felt off balance subjectively, and unsure. Now. You had grown used to smoking as a way of comforting yourself. You removed the comfort. You refused to add another, and at the same time you did not face the inner problem that was bothering you, that made the comfort so necessary to begin with. We will go into this more deeply, for you can indeed rid yourself of the symptoms, but I would like to make one point here first. When you bought the dog, subconsciously you felt that the dog was almost a symbol of your failure.

You had not wanted such a dog until you had room and a larger place, and in the past you had not gotten the dog because subconsciously you hoped you would have more land within a brief, foreseeable future. When you bought the dog, and particularly since your wife was so for the idea, you feared that she also took this as a sign that you had made your mind up to the fact, or faced the fact, that you would be where you are for some time.

She knew subconsciously that you would consider that a failure. We will have much more to say. In the meantime take your break, but (smiling) keep yourself together.

The family all knew, subconsciously again, that the dog had to go. Everyone was overly nice to the dog, so no one would know consciously, what they knew subconsciously—that you considered the dog the symbol of failure. It was a closely guarded secret by all, hidden, but not entirely, from the conscious minds of those involved. No one wanted the dog killed, but it was not coincidence that you yourself loosened the dog’s collar, or that your wife was the one who left the dog; for symbolically the two of you were connected here. Now give us a moment. The act itself was symbolic, and the dog picked up all of your attitudes through its own sense of communication.

In the first place none of you would have found it comfortable in the long run, to live with an animal that you considered the symbol for failure. Now I will give you time for questions. Let us follow this through.

The failure was being rejected, you see. Now the dog was a hunting dog. Symbolically you have always equated hunting with a man’s work in modern society. That was one connection. You would not feel free to hunt successfully with the animal, for he was, you felt, the symbol of an unsuccessful hunt in the work world.

Each member of the family picked this up. The dog had to be loved. It was a face-saving gesture. No one wanted you to know, and all of this now on a subconscious basis. Under the conditions that were then in operation, and underline that, for you all to have accepted the dog for any length of time would have been an admission and acceptance of failure.

This also applies symbolically, and during your vacation, and before it, was one fear that you had not come to terms with. You would consider it beneath you, and unmanly to entertain, and consciously improbable, if you left your job and did not get another—could not get another, of comparable merit indeed.

Supposing you left your job and simply could not find another, what would you do? You could not bear to sit at home. This fear subconsciously nagged at you, and it has for this reason, among other, that the symptoms were with you before vacation. This year you felt the vacation almost as a threat because of the fears that had built up during the year.

Now I am speaking of failure as it would apply to you, in your estimation. All of these attitudes were reflected in the body.

In a moment I will give you a break and then continue. One point: the drug you are now taking over a period of time would not be recommended by me—

If you allowed this to continue and did not check it, then gradually the inactive joints would be accepted as a basic problem. You would think: “If I could move freely, then I could solve all problems,” when the true point is: when you feel free to solve the problems, there will be no physical symptoms to worry about.

You must either accept your situation as it is, change it, or at least feel that you have the ability to change it. You feared that you did not have the ability as things stand. (Long pause.) You thought that you would not advance. You feared,and do,that changing your job would deny your family.

Now. In the long run your present situation would deny them far more. I am speaking of the physical situation—the illness itself.You have every good chance of ridding yourself of the symptoms now, but you must immediately begin to use your imagination, so that it works for you and not against you.

Now there is something else. You want comfort of a certain kind, and you will not ask it of your wife.You feel, again,that you should not need comfort, that she will interpret such a need either as weakness or that she will become frightened. You have been denying yourself comfort of this kind, and it would help prevent the periods of depression, and the mood of depression that has gradually come over you and robbed you of your resistance.

Now you are also underestimating your own worth, and you have done so consistently for some time. You would be the last to say that that is so, and the reasons are too deep-seated to go into this evening. This underestimation of your own worth leads you to place an overemphasis upon your financial worth to your family. It is in this personal area that a basic fear exists also. This is a high simplification, but you feel that your value as a person and as a man in the family situation is determined not only by your ability to provide, but increases in proportion to your financial status.

([John:] “You said you would say something about the dog’s death.”)

He sensed the rejection sometime earlier, through various cues given, and the animal knew that the rejection would take place, if not on that occasion then another. Now the driver wanted to strike out violently but could never admit this to himself, hence an accidental affair. The dog was disconsolate, and as distracted as a human being might be. The affair involved many people, and was a reality constructed by many people.

A new position would save face both for you and for them. This will be considered. The effects would be beneficial. There are no ill effects from the event. A long time ago I mentioned that your progress might not necessarily involve the second step, the next obvious one. They might very well surprise you with such a position, a new one, but it would not be entirely what you had in mind; as comprehensive.