“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

There are reasons why you chose the particular symptoms that you have, and reasons why they emerged at this particular time. Now. There was the feeling, the inner fear that you do not have freedom of motion in the economic or professional sphere—the fear, quite simply, that you were not going to make it. Some of this has to do with the symbolism you have attached subconsciously to the age of 40, and you see yourself coming closer to it. Some has to do with your assessment of your position within the firm, with your assessment of what you would get outside the firm should you leave it.

For some time you had consciously considered various roads that you could take, but subconsciously you became more and more alarmed, and felt severely hampered in your progress.

Now what happens is this. You began by wanting to express withheld bitterness, often explosively. At the same time you did not do so. One group of muscles therefore were tensed for action, and the other group of muscles tried to stop the action. You wanted to go ahead but felt you could not, so that this was reflected in your posture long before you felt a symptom.

All feelings are reflected in the body. It showed in your gestures and in the way you walked. Some muscles were habitually tensed, and the balance thrown off. Not until this had gone on for some time did the symptoms become severe enough to get your attention. They are trying to tell you something.

This was reflected in other portions of the body as well. As you noted, you felt off balance subjectively, and unsure. Now. You had grown used to smoking as a way of comforting yourself. You removed the comfort. You refused to add another, and at the same time you did not face the inner problem that was bothering you, that made the comfort so necessary to begin with. We will go into this more deeply, for you can indeed rid yourself of the symptoms, but I would like to make one point here first. When you bought the dog, subconsciously you felt that the dog was almost a symbol of your failure.

You had not wanted such a dog until you had room and a larger place, and in the past you had not gotten the dog because subconsciously you hoped you would have more land within a brief, foreseeable future. When you bought the dog, and particularly since your wife was so for the idea, you feared that she also took this as a sign that you had made your mind up to the fact, or faced the fact, that you would be where you are for some time.

In the first place none of you would have found it comfortable in the long run, to live with an animal that you considered the symbol for failure. Now I will give you time for questions. Let us follow this through.

Each member of the family picked this up. The dog had to be loved. It was a face-saving gesture. No one wanted you to know, and all of this now on a subconscious basis. Under the conditions that were then in operation, and underline that, for you all to have accepted the dog for any length of time would have been an admission and acceptance of failure.

To protect yourself from her disease you had to move quickly physically. You also had to move quickly in the area of work. You were sensitized because of your mother’s problem to fear inactivity. Any threat to your motion or advance, even in the business area, becomes highly charged for this reason. Earlier you felt that you could strike out. There was plenty of time. Then you became frightened after the age of 35, and you began to soften up your blows. (Jane gestured widely, with a fist.) You began to hold back, become more cautious, and then slowly began to entertain thoughts of the possibility of failure.

In a moment I will give you a break and then continue. One point: the drug you are now taking over a period of time would not be recommended by me—

Now. The cortisone can be of some intermediate value, but over an extended period of time it will only introduce another element into the system, to which the system will then have to adjust, and it can lead to an extension of the symptoms when the reasons for them are gone.

I do not suggest that this be kept up for any length of time, at a steady rate. The cortisone itself to some extent becomes habitual. Now not habit forming, but habitual. You can prevent this if you cease taking it now and then for several days. It can hold you over but at the same time the body is getting used to a more or less artificial element; element not in terms of chemical. The cortisone is somewhat, say, like a crutch. Do not become addicted to that.

You must use mental images of mobility and action. At the same time tell yourself often that you are free to move. Do not command yourself to move, or demand it. Simply remind yourself that you are the one who has been projecting these ideas onto your joints and you can remove the ideas. (Pause.) Give us a moment.

We have some further recommendations. It is difficult in one evening to give you all the important data. You have been denying your own feelings for some time, or only giving lip service to them, and we will have to set you straight and free.

Tell yourself several times a day that you can deal with whatever problems you have. Do not keep thinking of the job situation so that you are hammering yourself over the head with it constantly. Whenever you find yourself projecting failure in any sense into the future, even into tomorrow, stop yourself, remind yourself that your thoughts form reality.

Now you are also underestimating your own worth, and you have done so consistently for some time. You would be the last to say that that is so, and the reasons are too deep-seated to go into this evening. This underestimation of your own worth leads you to place an overemphasis upon your financial worth to your family. It is in this personal area that a basic fear exists also. This is a high simplification, but you feel that your value as a person and as a man in the family situation is determined not only by your ability to provide, but increases in proportion to your financial status.

Give us a moment. Probabilities always operate, and yet within that framework the large proportion and the points I have made will come to pass. Now you must deduct some points here and there for distortion, but the overall still applies. The time elements as you probably see are not as dependable, even when the event itself is correct. This simply has to do with translations difficult to assess from my standpoint.

A new position would save face both for you and for them. This will be considered. The effects would be beneficial. There are no ill effects from the event. A long time ago I mentioned that your progress might not necessarily involve the second step, the next obvious one. They might very well surprise you with such a position, a new one, but it would not be entirely what you had in mind; as comprehensive.