“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

He feels that sometimes (underlined) you do not understand his position. He feels that you do not realize that while you are both busy four nights a week, that he is highly creatively and psychically involved with psychic work, that it is not just business.

Even with Ruburt’s difficulties as a personality he now makes more use, though he does not realize it, of his creative energies than he ever did. To a large extent you realize this, and it makes you more anxious for your own work and endeavors.

This was largely the basis for your reaction this evening. The psychic work with Ruburt has a strong spontaneous nature, and at times he resents, while he also needs, the regular schedules that you seem to require physically.

You are on the edge of a discovery in your own work, and it makes you uneasy, for you sense it, yet have not grasped it. This also had something to do with this evening’s reaction. Neither of you fully realize as yet the nature of the energies that are working with you, that give you meaning as individuals, hold you together, and form the framework of your daily existence, the balance of spontaneity and regularity.

Now you are dealing with emotions, working with your portraits. Some of the people you paint are real, but you do not know them. You work within regular hours, yet within those hours you are dealing with unregularized emotions. You are dealing with personalities, some far different than your own, and forming these into paintings.

In some respects your work is lonely, and in some respects Ruburt’s work is lonely, but you react to it differently. Ruburt lately has looked for spontaneous release in anonymous social situations—the beer in the crowded bar. Underneath he is highly practical, and realizes that such endeavors, for him in any case, are not pointless nor a waste of time.

You need time to do your own work, but it is also true that the intuitions and emotions that spark your own work are not dependent on time, and exist quite apart from it.

Now our sessions take little time. If they took twice the time you would still be very well off for what you get out of them. The recording of them does take time, and over this I personally have no control. There is a possibility that Ruburt could get help from his students here to relieve you, but I do not believe that you would want anyone at our regular sessions. The typing does take time from your own work.

Yet the sessions also help your work, and you cannot count the ways that you have learned from them. You are feeling crowded, however. This is to you, Joseph. Therefore I suggest that we have a week’s vacation. On your account this time, and not on Ruburt’s.

I never want you to feel that your work time is being invaded by the work in recording sessions.

His struggles with his nurses (which are violent) are struggles to escape physical bonds, and to be away. He did not use his vitality in his manhood joyfully or fully or explosively, either in work, nor purpose, nor family. Therefore it lingers, and he cannot disentangle himself from it. He paced himself out of jealousy of his energy, so that it outlived him. It was not focused in work. It was unfocused.

Far be it from me to give either Ruburt or yourself swelled heads, but in your cases we see the male and female aspects well-balanced, one of the reasons why this is your last incarnation. These elements are highly unstable and each personality works them out.

This evening no such errors are involved. If he did not use his abilities obviously he would make no errors, but this is hardly a good argument. He is (underlined) better off with me than alone, and yet he must also work alone to develop the abilities. They grow more precise as they are used.