“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Some of the Pitre problems that he spoke about a month or so ago have already taken care of themselves, but we will have a session for him. Ruburt need not feel so responsible in such cases.

Now he has been ten or so minutes late at session time, and the reason I should think is fairly obvious. It was also the reason why he suggested beginning a session earlier (this evening at supper time), though he did not know this; and in any case what he suggested, on regular terms, was not really what he wanted.

This was on his part simply an attempt for spontaneity. The spontaneous self had risen up against what it considered the rigidity of beginning a session at a particular moment. He began then craftily so that sessions began after nine o’clock, and then suggested the earlier hour. Now this is simply a minor and temporary element, originally because he has begun his Thursday classes and is therefore further regulated.

He realizes that a specific time is more practical. He enjoyed last evening’s spontaneous session (for Jane’s Tuesday night ESP class), and such sessions, while they do not particularly add to our material, replenish his creative efforts and give him a sense of freedom. The spontaneity often, though not always, helps to focus his abilities, and provides us with an excellent trance state. The spontaneity provides its own training. You may have noticed that often when you miss a regular session, I have held a spontaneous one in class.

Now Ruburt feels, at times unreasonably, for you have told him differently, that you think he shirks when he misses sessions. The sessions need regularity. They also need spontaneity, and for his own nature, I try to see that both needs are met. This is for the benefit of our sessions and for overall balance and efficiency.

He feels that sometimes (underlined) you do not understand his position. He feels that you do not realize that while you are both busy four nights a week, that he is highly creatively and psychically involved with psychic work, that it is not just business.

Even with Ruburt’s difficulties as a personality he now makes more use, though he does not realize it, of his creative energies than he ever did. To a large extent you realize this, and it makes you more anxious for your own work and endeavors.

This was largely the basis for your reaction this evening. The psychic work with Ruburt has a strong spontaneous nature, and at times he resents, while he also needs, the regular schedules that you seem to require physically.

In some respects your work is lonely, and in some respects Ruburt’s work is lonely, but you react to it differently. Ruburt lately has looked for spontaneous release in anonymous social situations—the beer in the crowded bar. Underneath he is highly practical, and realizes that such endeavors, for him in any case, are not pointless nor a waste of time.

You burn and use energy at a different rate. He consumes it more quickly than even you realize. You consider such diversions therefore to some extent a waste of time, for they are not as necessary to you, though to some extent of course they are.

Consciously of course they do not. Underneath they know there is a communication, but they do not realize they are being painted as such. In one man’s mind he has seen your image however, and there is some telepathic communication operating both ways, but both of you accept the thoughts as your own.

This is of the man with the odd chin. You have two separate studies of him. He has two children and lives in Nebraska, and oddly enough he is a house painter who also wanted to be an artist. He paints flowers on memo pads.

You picked him up, so to speak, because of the personal association. He wanted to be an artist also. He has violent tendencies that he does not understand, usually well-hidden. The chin is a subterfuge, for it appears weak.

Two small paintings on your shelf. They are both of the same man. One is more a profile than the other. Ruburt knows. He has noticed them and disliked them. He disliked the person.

He is well aware of your mother’s vitality, and she is well aware subconsciously that her vitality still goads him into a semblance of reaction. She still acts as a stimuli, as you know. In one way she forces him to stay when he would retire, and when her thoughts are not strongly with him he will attempt to escape further.

She will not let him be done here, and he resents it when she rouses him. But he still feels arousement at her thoughts of him as well as her visits.

Now as she more vividly imagines life without him, this stimuli will wane. She is now vividly imagining existence without him. On the one hand you can say that he is weakening proportionately. On the other hand he is freeing himself proportionately.

His struggles with his nurses (which are violent) are struggles to escape physical bonds, and to be away. He did not use his vitality in his manhood joyfully or fully or explosively, either in work, nor purpose, nor family. Therefore it lingers, and he cannot disentangle himself from it. He paced himself out of jealousy of his energy, so that it outlived him. It was not focused in work. It was unfocused.

Now. Because it was not used it outlives him. He kept it in isolation and was jealous of it, and did not allow it joy nor freedom.

(At 10:29:) He is in some difficulty at this time, now, according to your definition of difficulty. He is trying to leave.

He was jealous of all (underlined) of his sons, not because your mother seemed to prefer them, but because he saw his own energy and life force giving independence in ways he could not control. He knows better now, but he is still left with the dilemma of freeing himself completely, and beginning again.

He will be reborn as a woman. This much he has decided. He will therefore become more aware of the spontaneous nature of creativity, for he will bear children. Your mother and he, beneath all of their difficulties in this life and in others past, have a deep relationship. They will meet again under different circumstances, but not in the same terms.

The sexes will be reversed and your mother will make a fine husband. Your father has been twice a male, successively. He will adopt the female role, which is more natural to his personality, and be more at ease with creative functions at the spontaneous level. Your mother has been a female now twice in a row, and is ill at ease, and will do much better as a male. The mother-love experience has done much however to balance a too-aggressive nature.

(Pause.) Now your father could die this evening. I do not believe that he will. But your mother’s attention is completely divorced from him at this time, and he has been seeking such an opportunity. The young boy he has been helping no longer needs him.

He never served, truly, as a male image for you or your brothers. Both of your parents, unfortunately in this life, served as uncomplimentary female images. This is why you trust the male qualities in Ruburt; why Richard chose a family in which he married where the males have been dominant, and why Loren chose for a wife a woman with more vitality than he.

Five people are holding him down. When he swears and is aggressive, he thinks he is showing those male characteristics, you see. Your mother is crying now to Betts, and she may yet hold him.

He sees before him the people he has known. In one way he is happy. He can show his aggressive nature, which is basically his creative nature, but he does not have to deal with it. Others restrain him. He has not learned the difference between violence and creativity, though they are closely allied, and he is frightened of the similarity.

He was (underlined) most jealous of you. You will yet do a portrait of him, for you cannot yet avoid the issue. Are your fingers tired?

(“There’s five people holding him down now. He’s struggling, fighting... there’s another nurse there, a different one...” I cajoled, talked, shook her and ordered her out of trance. I made her put on her glasses, drink wine, walk about, etc. Jane said she had no visions of Father; no projections were involved, etc. “Just a shadowy feeling.”

(And through all of this, surprisingly I felt nothing for Father, no sorrow, no anger, no happiness—just that he had chosen his course long ago and would see it through in spite of anything others could do.

A portion therefore of your father’s present personality fragment understands this. Now Ruburt has lately allowed his abilities more freedom and as in any endeavor he will make errors, and he must expect them.

This evening no such errors are involved. If he did not use his abilities obviously he would make no errors, but this is hardly a good argument. He is (underlined) better off with me than alone, and yet he must also work alone to develop the abilities. They grow more precise as they are used.