“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

A great exuberance and a great need. A desire to communicate, and yet a fear of being swept away. (Pause.) An expansiveness that is genuine but a fear, a fear here for the basic integrity of the self, a fear of being swept away, of not being able to hold the self in as if he fears it could bleed outward and leave you.

As a result there are bursts of communication, followed by an urge for secrecy, as if he could lose himself through these communications to others; as if with each word energy escaped from him so that he would want to hold it back in protection.

The personality sensed this lack and at the same time was aware of an impetus. There have been three lives as a woman. There have been two previous to this as a male. Running through these existences has been two main lines.

In two other lives there was instead the development of inner abilities to the exclusion of others, a closing down of the windows and a barring of the doors, and he would not look out and no one dared look in. He would make horrible funny faces at the window of his soul to frighten others away, and yet through all of this the inner abilities did indeed grow. He added to his stock.

Now. (Long pause at 9:36.) Death (pause), as you engaged in a skirmish. Three villagers were hunting, it seems, on monastery ground. The death was an accident. You yelled out to tell them that they trespassed, and tripped upon a rock. You were knocked unconscious, and the townspeople ran. You came to and wandered through fields at night on a far side of the monastery, and came to what seems to have been a body of water.

(Jane’s pace had been on the slow side through most of the delivery. She’d had some visions, and described them as of the monastery, “or a castle,” some such large building of stone or brick. She saw cultivated fields to the back and left of this building. Beyond this were high overgrown fields, she said, with a river or stream beyond that. She also had fleeting glimpses of a monklike figure, seen from the back.

You have it too much under your thumb, on the one hand, if you will excuse my pun. You missed it. (Humorously. Seth, through Jane, had been watching Tam’s expression.) You are used to your intellect. You take it for granted and therefore do not push it as hard as someone who may be less certain of his intellectual abilities.

A relationship in this life can continue to develop along those terms, with some degree of success, but the issue is open. There are no reasons from the past that would more or less necessitate the relationship. If the relationship is not carried through, then with the probabilities as I see them now, another strong one will develop close to the end of three years from now, involving a woman with whom you will get along very well, although she was merely a third grand-nephew in the past.

(Seth did speak briefly the next evening however. He came through for Jane, Tam and me after a small party was over, our guests had left and the three of us were alone. Actually this was at 2 AM on Sunday, September 8. I made no notes at the time. Seth greeted us, gave a few voice effects which were controlled because of the hour and the proximity of other tenants, and expressed his willingness and capability to continue until six in the morning. This he could have done easily, but none of us were up to it.)