“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I should write a few notes regarding last night’s session, before I forget. John Bradley was here. The session began as usual; Seth said that the other personality was also involved. After first break, before session was to resume, I felt the pyramid effect that usually signals the other personality. The effect wasn’t very strong, though; I wasn’t sure when to “plunge in”, wondered if the time was right, etc. Then, o.k., and the other personality began to speak. For a moment I wondered again if trance depth was sufficient as sounds in room bothered me. But as personality spoke, definitely deepened.

(Then suddenly my own body and the room and John and Rob, the whole bit, began to get larger and larger, really massive, my body along with everything else, and at the same time, eyes closed of course, I felt the shapes doing this. It seemed as if the room now was almost huge enough to take up all of Elmira; but I didn’t feel as if; I felt as if this were actually happening. I panicked and yelled out and broke the trance with Rob’s help. Only moments afterward, memory of the thing was beginning to vanish, and words hardly express the subjective sensations. The meaning of the experience is stated in the final part of the session, so there is no need to go into it here; suffice it to say that the experience had a meaning, was not random but highly selective, and would be listed in our classification as “experiencing a concept.” Everything in the room, from smallest to largest, was expanding in proportion; that is, keeping the relative proportion between various objects intact. Everything retained usual shape, for example, only grew and kept growing to massive degrees. Very vivid; frightening to me simply because I was not prepared for anything like this, it had never happened before; etc.

(After break, still felt the pyramid bit; so went along and session continued. Then more sensations; or rather, again I felt sensations that were concepts translated into feeling rather than words; but feelings and images. Here I started to feel the microscopic nature of our planet, comparatively speaking; a shrinking a momentary sense of desolation that was my own, I think; there was no attempt to deny integrity or uniqueness of physical life; but only to express... its relative size [poor word] and of the whole physical system. At same time the pyramid seemed inverted, wide at the top, with a giant face peering down into the room, as through a microscope. If the room was going to shrink and all of us with it—as it had grown massive, I just wasn’t ready for the experience. “I” could sense it about to happen. Through all of this, I use the word I, yet these things were happening and “I” was a part of the action so a part, that it was difficult to separate me from it. So now, wanting out, “I” tried to find “myself”—to make body make a motion to signal Rob. Earlier I thought of just yelling out to the personality, look forget it; but couldn’t find vocal chords or something; the personality was using them. So this time “I” found myself, pulled myself together, briefly found voice while personality was silent and just as I was seeing the giant face peer down over me, at pyramid top, at me, and room. Rob brought me out by touching me.

(In earlier episode, I’d screamed involuntarily. In second episode I discovered that there were ways of “finding my I” I guess, and ending experience, by motioning Rob to touch me, or shake me, which breaks trance. So perhaps will have more assurance, knowing there is a way out when I want it; experienced no difficulty from personality, or pressure to continue despite my wishes. Don’t believe personality understood experience was unpleasant; or for that matter that such terms had any particular meaning for it. Information or knowledge was being given in certain terms. Period; as far as it was concerned. I don’t even know if it was aware of my reaction! I wiggled out beneath the pyramid. Oh; and earlier, Seth came back through and helped me “down”; but this last time he didn’t and I couldn’t seem to “find him.”

(Very startling to me at the time, the whole thing. If a psychologist wants to say simply: Hallucination, then he would have to admit it was hardly a random thing; but well directed, to a point and for a purpose. The merging of self with action in the expansion episode was dismaying at first; just so alien; because I felt the expansion in general; not just specifically in my own body, for example. All in all I think I reacted well; and brought the thing to an end when I decided enough had been done for one night; so I wasn’t just tossed, say, willy-nilly. But I broke in, before the onrush of sensations the last time; sensing that they were about to occur, so obviously I had learned from the first episode.