“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Jane was having some difficulty assuming a trance state. She said she was picking up negative and fearful emotions from me. My emotional condition at the was a mixture of embarrassment for I was about to be exposed; guilt that I was imposing on a friend, for I want to give to friends, not take from them; an utter fear that Seth was about to smash my hopes with the truth. It took concentrated effort on Jane’s part to break through my emotional barrier and assume a trance state.)

Now you have indeed been doing well. And I do congratulate you. You are too impatient both with your own development and the development of others. You want your destination now and you want to get to that destination as quickly as possible, 85-95 miles a minute, you see. You have given yourself several traffic tickets. Now, you have learned a good deal, and I know that you have tried. It does no good to understand issues intellectually, however, or even to understand them intuitively unless you understand them so thoroughly that they become a part of your daily life. Much that you know you have made a part of your life, but you still wish to use your knowledge for your own conscious purposes. You are still not willing to say let me develop as I should develop. You are still saying let me develop as I think I should develop. The I being a highly egotistical I. You are still saying, let me develop as I want to develop. You are still saying I want this person or I want that person or that thing. Therefore shall I use this ability and this knowledge to gain it. And that is why you have given yourself a traffic ticket now and then, What you are learning is a technique for self-development. You cannot use it, therefore, to attain those things that do not pertain to your own self-development and the techniques will not help you get something that you were not meant to have nor that you have before decided as an entity that you should not have. I will leave specifics for later. Nevertheless, the facts remain that your own inner self and your own entity have given you challenges that you have accepted. Now you know these challenges; subconsciously you are aware of them. Consciously you do not want to accept them and this is one reason why you have had difficulty with the pendulum. This is not out of the ordinary. This happens to many personalities. It is nothing to blame yourself for. You are certainly in the midst of a certain line of development. You cannot blame yourself for not being further along the line. The very fact that you are here this evening, the very fact that you are trying as hard as you have been shows that you are indeed developing and that you are indeed learning. There must be an open-minded, an openhearted attitude here. You must not try to use what you have learned in a narrow, limiting way. This hampers your own development. It closes your eyes to many possibilities that will be important to you. It is natural, perhaps, to want to use what you have learned, this information, as a technique to achieve what you at any particular time think desirable, a particular person, a particular thing. But what is important is the inner development. If this is taken care of, it will automatically lead you to the person that is best for you and to the circumstances that will help you develop. To insist that a specific individual or a specific goal be attained through these methods is limiting. There must always be the acknowledgement that you do not consciously as yet realize the depths of yourself, the goals you have set and the challenges, and this material should be used to open up your inner horizons and to lead you in those directions toward which your inner self has already set you. If you then egotistically, say—No—this particular situation is what I want, then you may be blocking the inner direction which has been meant for you. I said I would discuss some particular material and so I shall shortly. But the inner attitude is far more important. I suggest, Joseph, that you take a break and I shall continue.

Now, you fear that I am about to leap down your throat and I can assure you I will not do so. Now your feelings toward me before this session have very much to do with other attitudes that are very important to you and very ingrained. Some of these are obvious and have to do with this life only; others have to do with past lives. Now you have been terrified of your father from the time you were an infant. And before the session began, You thought of me as an old, but wise and extremely powerful male adult, as you thought of your father when you were a child.

([Pat:]I had been terrified of my father for the first 19 years of my life. Indeed, I never saw my father as a person but rather as a dark shadow with a club. My father had a temper that was aimed at us children and at my mother. [Yet my father is a very loving person. I know that now. We are very close, now. I love my father deeply. He has mellowed in his attitude toward my youngest sister, also.] We got spanked when we misbehaved, which is something I’ve always been ashamed to admit to others. I didn’t want my friends to know my father spanked us. I wanted my family to be a happy one. I was always afraid to bring friends home for fear my mother and father might argue and embarrass me. Also, I didn’t think my dad wanted us to bring friends home.

Now this also overshadows your relationship with the males to whom you have come in contact. For you have been, on the one hand, terrified of them, and on the other hand wanted a normal relationship. Give me a moment here —on the one hand you desire more from a relationship with a man than you have any right to expect. No human being could ever deliver what you expect a man to deliver in a relationship. This is because you see the male in terms inspired in you when you were a child. You were terrified of the male, your father. On the other hand, you felt that he did contain wisdom, truth, almost godlike qualities. These qualities you attempt to project into the male that you meet. At the same time you are also terrified because of this background. No man can possibly be as godlike as your inner conception. Therefore, each man is bound to disappoint you. At the same time, you hope and pray subconsciously that the man will disappoint you because this male in your mind has godlike qualities that attract you; on the other, you see him as all powerful and as one who gives out punishment and one who is unreasoning and cruel because you felt that your father was cruel. You are afraid, so to speak, to come under a man’s thumb for this reason, to come under his domination. For to do so is to place yourself in a humble position and a frightening position underneath the male figure. Your terror as a child gave you an inner idea of reality and family group whereby you saw yourself completely powerless and helpless under the domination of this father figure. He was the source of all and yet he could at the same time take all away. And you felt, at the same time, that he would indeed do so. Because you were a male in past lives, you resented this all the more strongly. Give us a moment.

Now, you have, if you will forgive me, consistently chosen those males within whom you sensed feminine qualities. And this was to protect you. You felt that the feminine qualities within the male forespoke of a gentle nature, that would protect you from the overall male violence of which you were afraid and which you exaggerated, because of early impressions. When you understand this material I have given you this evening, it will help you and you should read it often. Bringing this out in the open will automatically help you to rid yourself of these fears. They will not automatically disappear overnight, but they will begin to diminish. It is your idea to use this toy this evening and not mine, so I am not going to worry about my remarks being recorded for posterity. This is your worry.

([Pat:]I had a crush on Mr. Finfrock for three years, grades 7 to 9. All the girls had a crush on him. But the other girls weren’t afraid of him. I was. He knew I had a crush on him; he knew that most girls did. He flirted with us. The other girls flirted back. I’d just stand there shy, scared, and in a dream. Sometimes he’d hold our hands; or if we were in the supply room, shut the door so that we’d be alone and then hold my hand and tease me. Now, thinking back on it, he was rather cruel to do that. I never was interested in boys my own age. I just “loved” Mr. Finfrock. And I was too afraid of him to even speak to him.)

(I am very, very impatient with clumsy people who can’t open jars or push cars or hammer nails. I always end up opening jars, etc… And, of course, there is no doubt in my mind that I can do it. And I do do it. In fact, I can’t let others carry heavy suitcases, etc., because I feel that it is too heavy for them—but not for me. I used to get impatient with Freddy, my roommate, because she was lousy at pushing cars. I’d always have to push our cars out of the snow.)

Again this is reflected in the way you drive your car. Now, the difficulties arising from your relationship with your father also gave you other beneficial effects. This feeling is somewhat responsible for your success as a teacher, for example. For you are then in authority, and you would, if you could, drive your students as you drive your car and force them to go 85 miles a minute. You are easier on them than you are on yourself, however, and you make an excellent teacher. In the back of your mind, however, you are always saying—see Daddy, I am doing something well—for this father of yours in your mind is always behind your shoulder watching you and judging you; now this is your attitude that I am describing. You feel that you must be successful or he will punish you, that you must be perfect; therefore you become panic stricken at any sense of failure within you, and you overexaggerate your failings so that you came here tonight to me as if you were two and a half years old. You would not have been at all surprised had Ruburt (Jane) jumped up grabbed a ruler and banged your fingers. Now, a step further, therefore, is that you expect rejection on the part of the male for this reason. Now this only applies to men who are older than you. You are perfectly happy and content with younger males. Give me a moment here.

([Jane:] “Now see, he’s coming through much stronger than he used to, and it takes me longer to learn how to manage the transition. And I can’t remember hardly anything at all that he said this time, except that he was trying very hard to make his point clear. What did he say about Dick Reed, that’s what I want to know. I remember that. I knew that he was telling Pat something but I couldn’t eavesdrop.”

([Pat:] “That I would like more information on, not so much for me, but for Dick, if I ever have the courage to let Dick hear this.”

([Pat:] “But he shouldn’t take it as something personal. I know I can listen to this, what Seth says about me, and I can take it, and I can take what he says about Dick, too. I think he could accept it too.”

She has spoken about me in this metropolitan city of hers and when she meets me she is in tears. I do not usually have that effect upon people. Now I am ready to ask you if you have any questions.

([Pat:] “Nobody. He can’t even get it typed. A few friends have tried to type it but something always happens. I’d type it except I know he wouldn’t want me to, not me. He can’t be bothered to type it himself.”

([Jane:] “Now, as a poet, to me that is incomprehensible.”

([Pat:] “Yes, he’s got to have the drive on his own. This is fascinating for me.”

He did voluntarily choose to be born as a son in this existence. Now he rationalizes on a conscious level his reasons for remaining home. You said earlier that around the school there was the expression he “loves them and leaves them”. You see, a very cruel interpretation and a very literal interpretation of his action in a past life, this coming through in an entirely different situation in this life. He is, of course, aware subconsciously of this and acts in such a way for he feels more honest. Through his actions in this life he is trying to make an honest statement about actions in the past. There is, of course, no punishment involved. His secrecy also is a direct result of these past existences, for once he spoke too much and betrayed too much, so now he remains secretive about matters that he considers important. The two brothers never did hold him responsible, however. They understood the situation. They knew that the girl had been terrified and spoke only out of fear and did not mean to betray them. In this life, then, the parents do not mean to hold him. They are not subconsciously trying to chain him; they are not subconsciously trying to bind him. He has chosen to act in this particular manner. He would be much freer if he’d realize that the brothers do not hold him responsible. And the betrayal, while a betrayal, was understandable, and that he spoke out of fear and did not intend to betray. If you will forgive me, I do not think we should use time in the session with your question about your friend’s poetry. It is not important in comparison to other information, nor is it important to the man’s development, nor to your own. Now I know that you speak of me highly; and if I wore a hat, I would tip it to you. You are helping other people and you will continue to do so. Now that you have some insight into the reasons for certain difficulties, you can begin to do something about them. Your problem is not with your Mr. Reed. Your problem is to rid yourself of the image that you have that you project upon him. You will not see him thoroughly until you do so; and in carrying this image with you, you see, you do not see the possibilities in many individuals whom you have already met. For you could not see through this image. When you read or listen to tonight’s session, you will see that I have given you some insight into your own overreactions. Now these cause the variation in your moods. You may ask me questions.

([Pat:] “Can a worthwhile relationship develop between Dick and me?”)

I will not say to you yes or no. No worthwhile relationship can develop while you project this image on him. Nor have you given me your definition of a worthwhile relationship.

Both of you to this point have inner problems that prevent you from entering into marriage. There is a difference between a wholesome love for another person and a compulsive need to have that person. You are still asking these questions with the other image before you. You are trying to peek through, but when you asked the question, you had the image before you. Do you see why? (Pat nods yes.) The very fact that you see this shows that you have learned something this evening. And that does me good, for I would not like to speak so long and so hard without feeling that I had managed to get some small point across. Now I will tell you, Joseph, go out into the air and buy your earthly refreshments and return and perhaps I shall join you for a few social moments.

([Pat:] “I would avoid situations to meet people. I would always say, “I can’t” when someone wanted to go somewhere or when someone invited me over. I can’t remember why I never could. I’d just say, “I can’t”.)

Now, Ruburt wants me to help him with voice control. You are so used to the image that you have projected outward that you are uncomfortable when you try to face a situation nakedly without the image. You project the image on one specific individual so strongly. You also project it in any of your relationships, as a rule, with men who are older than yourself. You do not want to or had not wanted to face even a transient relationship with a man because you did not then have time, you see, to project this image in any dependable manner. There was also a gap when you would have to face the individual as he was. This made you uncomfortable and defiant because it forced you, however briefly, to meet another individual eye to eye. It goes without saying that you could not see whatever good qualities there were in any man you knew casually. You did not have time to project the image upon him, and you were afraid to see clearly without it. Practice in such relationships would allow you to get used to an environment without this image. If not giant steps, baby steps, each such encounter being a small exercise in seeing another male individual without your image glasses on.

([Pat:] “I had thought of that before. I knew that I should have taken advantage of the opportunities to meet people. I knew that I was probably attracting these opportunities to me because subconsciously I knew the exercises would be healthful.”)