“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

([Pat:]I had been terrified of my father for the first 19 years of my life. Indeed, I never saw my father as a person but rather as a dark shadow with a club. My father had a temper that was aimed at us children and at my mother. [Yet my father is a very loving person. I know that now. We are very close, now. I love my father deeply. He has mellowed in his attitude toward my youngest sister, also.] We got spanked when we misbehaved, which is something I’ve always been ashamed to admit to others. I didn’t want my friends to know my father spanked us. I wanted my family to be a happy one. I was always afraid to bring friends home for fear my mother and father might argue and embarrass me. Also, I didn’t think my dad wanted us to bring friends home.

You need help and you have asked for it. Therefore, I will give you what information I have. Now, there was an afternoon, I believe when you were nearly three. Your father was home in the afternoon. They were in the bedroom, your mother and your father. You were taking a nap. Your parents were in the act of making love. You awoke. Your mother cried out. This is far from an unusual occurrence; it happens frequently. You interpreted her cry as one of helplessness and frustration and your father had hurt her. You came into the room; your father jumped up and chased you away.

([Pat:]I had a crush on Mr. Finfrock for three years, grades 7 to 9. All the girls had a crush on him. But the other girls weren’t afraid of him. I was. He knew I had a crush on him; he knew that most girls did. He flirted with us. The other girls flirted back. I’d just stand there shy, scared, and in a dream. Sometimes he’d hold our hands; or if we were in the supply room, shut the door so that we’d be alone and then hold my hand and tease me. Now, thinking back on it, he was rather cruel to do that. I never was interested in boys my own age. I just “loved” Mr. Finfrock. And I was too afraid of him to even speak to him.)

([Pat:] “Yes, I know. And around school he plays the ‘cool guy’ role, the ‘love them and leave them’ image. Not in what he says but in his appearance. This is the image that others project on him and he allows the image to stay. The students accept this as being Dick. Most of the other women or men like to destroy the image or try to prove it wrong, but they do that out of resentment; they see Dick as a threat. Now showing that image and suddenly having Seth come along and say he doesn’t want physical relations with a female; this could be hard to accept. And yet out of all the people, we would be able to accept this and not see anything wrong.”

Now, ordinary adult responsibilities, you see, would take him away from these two individuals and so he has taken steps to see that he is not involved. Give us a moment. He is more bound to one of these persons than the other for one was a younger brother. He was extremely religious in his past life and the love of music connected with the church is reflected here. His name was strange, I am not too clear on this. The family name in the past: Achman. (Pat learned that Dick’s family has an Ackerman branch in June 1968.) The first portion like oxtagon.

He did voluntarily choose to be born as a son in this existence. Now he rationalizes on a conscious level his reasons for remaining home. You said earlier that around the school there was the expression he “loves them and leaves them”. You see, a very cruel interpretation and a very literal interpretation of his action in a past life, this coming through in an entirely different situation in this life. He is, of course, aware subconsciously of this and acts in such a way for he feels more honest. Through his actions in this life he is trying to make an honest statement about actions in the past. There is, of course, no punishment involved. His secrecy also is a direct result of these past existences, for once he spoke too much and betrayed too much, so now he remains secretive about matters that he considers important. The two brothers never did hold him responsible, however. They understood the situation. They knew that the girl had been terrified and spoke only out of fear and did not mean to betray them. In this life, then, the parents do not mean to hold him. They are not subconsciously trying to chain him; they are not subconsciously trying to bind him. He has chosen to act in this particular manner. He would be much freer if he’d realize that the brothers do not hold him responsible. And the betrayal, while a betrayal, was understandable, and that he spoke out of fear and did not intend to betray. If you will forgive me, I do not think we should use time in the session with your question about your friend’s poetry. It is not important in comparison to other information, nor is it important to the man’s development, nor to your own. Now I know that you speak of me highly; and if I wore a hat, I would tip it to you. You are helping other people and you will continue to do so. Now that you have some insight into the reasons for certain difficulties, you can begin to do something about them. Your problem is not with your Mr. Reed. Your problem is to rid yourself of the image that you have that you project upon him. You will not see him thoroughly until you do so; and in carrying this image with you, you see, you do not see the possibilities in many individuals whom you have already met. For you could not see through this image. When you read or listen to tonight’s session, you will see that I have given you some insight into your own overreactions. Now these cause the variation in your moods. You may ask me questions.

Both of you to this point have inner problems that prevent you from entering into marriage. There is a difference between a wholesome love for another person and a compulsive need to have that person. You are still asking these questions with the other image before you. You are trying to peek through, but when you asked the question, you had the image before you. Do you see why? (Pat nods yes.) The very fact that you see this shows that you have learned something this evening. And that does me good, for I would not like to speak so long and so hard without feeling that I had managed to get some small point across. Now I will tell you, Joseph, go out into the air and buy your earthly refreshments and return and perhaps I shall join you for a few social moments.