“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

The first time in some while that he has been open enough, and a sign of improvement. I told you that some, though not serious, symptom flare-up could occur during the painting process. It is of less intensity than could have been possible, and is keyed off by particular objects. The whole bathroom you see is highly significant, as explained earlier.

(Another smile.) This is something like the fox he read of, who to get rid of fleas carries something like a ball of wool in his mouth and walks into the water, forcing the lice out further and further. In this case your full cupboard of dirty clothes has somewhat served. When the bathroom is entirely completed with the exception of the ceiling perhaps, then the clothing should be washed, and preferably, this time at a different laundromat.

The contrasting color arrangement is a most healthy acceptance on his part of the spontaneous portion of his own personality. In a large manner in the past, he went along with your ideas involving the overall atmosphere—underline overall—of the apartment, feeling you would find contrasting elements irritants. The spontaneity is finding beneficial release. He is not so afraid now of making mistakes, or of trusting his own judgment, though he thinks it might conflict with your ideas in any given case. Hence his painting the cupboards blue.

He is still highly cautious at invoking your displeasure but he is not terrified, as at the wrath of some overbearing god. (Jane, her eyes wide and very dark, leaned forward in amusement.) This does indeed represent an improvement.

Now, he thought as a child that every night was literally a death, and every dawn literally a rebirth. He was terrified that his mother had died during the night when he was very young, and could not help him. She could not, you see, climb the stairs at his call. Later he felt that she would either commit suicide or kill them both while he slept, and he feared the night. (Pause.) In times of stress the old stay-awake-at-night fearful pattern reoccurs. In the deepest trouble he doubted your feeling for him also, and in exaggerated panic felt that you would feel released if he died, as he felt that he would feel released as an adolescent if his mother died. For in those hours he saw himself crippled as she was, and a stone about your neck.

He rarely slept for more than three hours at a time for years, without interruption, and the old remembered biological pattern returns. Some guilt here, since in the past if he slept four hours he would have known that he slept through his mother’s call. Mainly however the three-hour biological pattern simply returns.

There was too the need to be alert and awake to protect himself. Through the writing at night, these issues are turned into constructive endeavors. As he becomes reassured again, the patterns will fade away. The biological pattern is not necessarily detrimental, however, and can be used to his advantage when he wishes.

Basically however you see he has lived through the night; the feared death was powerless against him. This in itself reassures him.

Now, I suggest he take vitamins. Before, his system would not utilize them regardless. For several months they will be of help on the physical level, showing his intent you see, carried out in physical terms.

He should give notice to his Mr. Miller by August first, at the latest, if not earlier. He should expect to make his financial contribution through his classes, and to throw his energy into them, and be patient as he would if he had an outside job.

There is too much at stake to backtrack, and the nursery school position has unpleasant associations, unfortunately. He could try both for a while, but this would be by far the most difficult of choices, and I do not recommend it.

(“Has he read the ESP book?”)

He has, or will. (Pause.)