“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

The excitement however is counterfeit at present. The questioner hunts out an object, another personality, when she basically believes the personality is unattainable. The other personality is not sought for because of any inherent qualities of his own. He serves, instead, as a substitute in a quest that the questioner has not yet begun.

You fear the aggressive portions of your own personality, and instead of allowing these portions to work for you, you are sending them out on a counterfeit journey after an object, another person, with whom you would not be happy, and for whom you have little basic respect.

Telepathically you were aware of the full nature of the male’s relationship with his mother. You chase him precisely because you were fairly certain you would not have him, for it was the search, again, that was important. It is a substitute for facing your own destiny. It is a counterfeit living pattern, and you are using it to avoid developing your full strength and stature as a personality.

Nor would such a counterfeit pattern suit you for long. Self-questioning and doubts would begin to drive you to distraction. You have inner strength that will give you your own sense of identity and continuity. Any inner security will come from this. You cannot abdicate, you see.

Before a break. You have not been facing yourself and you are trying to substitute another for the part of yourself that you will not face. You have inner stability, but you are in danger of losing inner stability whenever you try to project this upon someone else. The excitement involved in this chase is something like the excitement you feel speaking to your good students. In the one case it is the wholesome and joyful result of the expenditure of psychic energy. In the other case it is the counterfeit expression. It is a turning away from and not going toward.

First of all, the teaching ability is a good one, but it is being hampered and not developed simply because you are using vital energy in this counterfeit manner. Your abilities as a teacher will not be fully developed until you realize the potential of your personality.