“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

He was offered a ride home and cashed his check. This deprived him of an opportunity to change his mind and buy the sweaters then. He also felt guilty because of your neck difficulties. He was angry at the route the driver took, and not able to say so. The story told by the driver upset early sexual feelings, and all of this together caused his difficulties. Later that evening the torture discussion, you see—this frightened him because his withheld anger and aggression found the talk most satisfying, and Ruburt then and there fought desperately to deny this. The symptoms begun earlier in the afternoon, then intensified.

In some ways, quite understandable. Old guilts held regularly in normal balance concerning his mother then leapt upward. The adult wondered then, had he misjudged the mother? Was not the mother at last sending him presents? To punish himself he attempted to give himself his mother’s symptoms, to put the shoe on the other foot, so to speak, almost in a religiouslike atonement.

Now all of this should be taken with other material that I have given you, for all these reasons clicked together at the time. His book was a good one and he was proud of it. But because he felt at this time unworthy, for the reasons given, then he must punish himself for its success, artistically speaking. I can tell you that our work and the stability of our sessions has been of great aid in keeping the symptoms under some control. Had this happened before our sessions the difficulty would literally have been most severe, with other bad physical symptoms.

Now occasionally the ego has risen up in our sessions, but to no alarming degree. On the few occasions when the symptoms were mentioned and a particular time given, this was a rather pathetic attempt on the part of the ego to make use of the sessions.

The pendulum sessions have been of value. The listing of the symptoms is not a good idea now however. An outgoing atmosphere, oddly enough, will now allow the spontaneous inner self freer expression spontaneously, you see; the yoga, I am afraid, did represent a severe distortion, and yet a particularly tricky one, for generally speaking the exercise is excellent; and in the beginning when I recommended it, it was helpful in slowly coaxing out the inner self.

Ruburt correctly interpreted the evening symptoms that sometimes occur. There is some identification with the mother here, based on highly falsified data; if he becomes the mother, then the mother cannot hurt him. And in all such identifications, there is the feeling that by becoming that which one fears, there is safety. This is obviously wrong and dangerous.

Ruburt’s mother is part of an entity, and he should remember this. He does not have arthritis, although he has been mimicking the symptoms, and could in time hypnotize himself into believing he did have the disease, though this is highly improbable given his own constitution. The spontaneous self happens to be basically more powerful and far more sensible than the ego, and would never stand for this development. It would doubtless cause some sort of an explosion however, in order to prevent any such occurrence.