“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

The urge between the child’s desire to do so, the basically kind nature, and the inability to carry out any such actions in any case, led to an overguarding ego. The ego did not appear rigid, for the inner seethings made it impossible, and spontaneity constantly erupted, but in ways the whole personality felt were the least dangerous.

Any spontaneity became suspect however, except artistic spontaneity. For various reasons, not necessary in this discussion, the tendency was carried over with Ruburt’s first husband. At the same time through adolescence the quality of the ego had not sufficiently shown its true character as yet. The spontaneity did erupt in constant nervous behavior, and erratic behavior. He was constantly told to slow down, to use discipline, and this reinforced the fear that what he was, was fearful, powerful, evil, and best hidden.

The spontaneous self when it did escape, you see, managed to do so only under circumstances where the explosive impulses shattered their way through. In the years between there was some considerable improvement in balance. When the situations developed which we have discussed, setting off the old conflicts, again you see, then the discipline idea was short-circuited back to the old compulsive behavior, though in different form, and with the old religious connotation of self-denial. The old fear of spontaneity returned, and the methodical attempt to deny subconscious impulses; the old feeling of unworthiness was also activated, and the body duly denied. Now this self-denial began in the Catholic home, and he was peculiarly prone to accept it. It was part of the old Catholic training, and he fell for it under a new guise. (Jane spent over a year in such a home while her mother was hospitalized for arthritis.)

The pendulum sessions have been of value. The listing of the symptoms is not a good idea now however. An outgoing atmosphere, oddly enough, will now allow the spontaneous inner self freer expression spontaneously, you see; the yoga, I am afraid, did represent a severe distortion, and yet a particularly tricky one, for generally speaking the exercise is excellent; and in the beginning when I recommended it, it was helpful in slowly coaxing out the inner self.

Some extra care as you plan then will also serve to liven the spirits of the spontaneous self. Ruburt’s particular personality can also find refreshment at his job; as the earlier, still somewhat lingering but largely vanishing sensitivity vanishes, it can be a source of refreshment. It is less symbolic in a negative manner, you see, than it was. While he insisted upon this rigorous discipline for himself, he was caught between trying to inflict it upon the children, and by his natural tendency to enter into their spontaneous ways. This largely contributing to the difficulties after work, as a result of the tension.

This should vanish, and is as he regains his own spontaneity. You may take a break or end the session as you prefer.

A secondary cause is that the spontaneous self has not been until recently allowed to express itself very well through the physical body, and when it is not in motion the spontaneity has been largely denied.

Ruburt’s mother is part of an entity, and he should remember this. He does not have arthritis, although he has been mimicking the symptoms, and could in time hypnotize himself into believing he did have the disease, though this is highly improbable given his own constitution. The spontaneous self happens to be basically more powerful and far more sensible than the ego, and would never stand for this development. It would doubtless cause some sort of an explosion however, in order to prevent any such occurrence.

Yes, Ruburt should make an effort, some at least, to go out in the morning, if it only be down the stairs and around the yard. Now he is at the point where mental activity will also quicken the spontaneous self. Before, this was not even workable.