“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

If a portion of you feels it does not get treats, you see, it imagines that the whole personality does not consider it worthy of any consideration. You feel this also Joseph, though you are not as aware of it. Ruburt usually pays it no mind, believing it in the past a part of discipline to ignore the innate independent childlike desire for treats or special attention.

A grudging indulgence is perhaps worse than none however. At this time the plan is excellent, to offset the tight discipline that Ruburt attempted to force upon all other elements of the personality. He has been depriving it physically, in a misguided attempt to force it into the ego’s idea of spirituality.

Any spontaneity became suspect however, except artistic spontaneity. For various reasons, not necessary in this discussion, the tendency was carried over with Ruburt’s first husband. At the same time through adolescence the quality of the ego had not sufficiently shown its true character as yet. The spontaneity did erupt in constant nervous behavior, and erratic behavior. He was constantly told to slow down, to use discipline, and this reinforced the fear that what he was, was fearful, powerful, evil, and best hidden.

The spontaneous self when it did escape, you see, managed to do so only under circumstances where the explosive impulses shattered their way through. In the years between there was some considerable improvement in balance. When the situations developed which we have discussed, setting off the old conflicts, again you see, then the discipline idea was short-circuited back to the old compulsive behavior, though in different form, and with the old religious connotation of self-denial. The old fear of spontaneity returned, and the methodical attempt to deny subconscious impulses; the old feeling of unworthiness was also activated, and the body duly denied. Now this self-denial began in the Catholic home, and he was peculiarly prone to accept it. It was part of the old Catholic training, and he fell for it under a new guise. (Jane spent over a year in such a home while her mother was hospitalized for arthritis.)

Some extra care as you plan then will also serve to liven the spirits of the spontaneous self. Ruburt’s particular personality can also find refreshment at his job; as the earlier, still somewhat lingering but largely vanishing sensitivity vanishes, it can be a source of refreshment. It is less symbolic in a negative manner, you see, than it was. While he insisted upon this rigorous discipline for himself, he was caught between trying to inflict it upon the children, and by his natural tendency to enter into their spontaneous ways. This largely contributing to the difficulties after work, as a result of the tension.