“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now. In Ruburt’s past compulsive behavior was established at a rather early age, the ritualized activity serving as a substitute security framework.

The impetus behind the compulsive activity was fear, and the fear was directed against the mother. The compulsive behavior was also intermixed with religious connotations, the crucifix and rosary being part of the objects used at times. The desire to move furniture at times represents an attempt to break highly ritualized behavior on his part, and is constructive. When it becomes frantic of course it is a sign that the technique is not working.

The compulsive behavior gave him a safe circle in which to operate, but it was a small circle. It was meant to keep harmful influences out, but it was also meant to keep harmful influences in.

Any spontaneity became suspect however, except artistic spontaneity. For various reasons, not necessary in this discussion, the tendency was carried over with Ruburt’s first husband. At the same time through adolescence the quality of the ego had not sufficiently shown its true character as yet. The spontaneity did erupt in constant nervous behavior, and erratic behavior. He was constantly told to slow down, to use discipline, and this reinforced the fear that what he was, was fearful, powerful, evil, and best hidden.

The spontaneous self when it did escape, you see, managed to do so only under circumstances where the explosive impulses shattered their way through. In the years between there was some considerable improvement in balance. When the situations developed which we have discussed, setting off the old conflicts, again you see, then the discipline idea was short-circuited back to the old compulsive behavior, though in different form, and with the old religious connotation of self-denial. The old fear of spontaneity returned, and the methodical attempt to deny subconscious impulses; the old feeling of unworthiness was also activated, and the body duly denied. Now this self-denial began in the Catholic home, and he was peculiarly prone to accept it. It was part of the old Catholic training, and he fell for it under a new guise. (Jane spent over a year in such a home while her mother was hospitalized for arthritis.)

Your stiff neck, my friend—you felt responsible to some extent for Ruburt’s habits of ultradiscipline. They were obviously breaking down in any case, no longer serving their purpose you see, and you did not realize that they were being fueled by early compulsive behavior.

The explosion would most likely take the part of explosive behavior. This will not be necessary now however. You should make definite plans for a vacation, and discuss them so that the idea is a reality in the present. Enjoy some creature comforts, whatever these mean to you.

The physical exercises now will be most beneficial. No very heavy moving for example, but a resumption, steadily, of normal behavior.