“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

The plan evolved as to dinners and outings was only adopted by Ruburt as an emergency measure, but in your particular circumstances a modified version of this plan would serve as a steady and constant safety measure. If certain portions, dominating portions, of both of your personalities are willing to go without, for the sake of what you want, other portions do feel that they are being disregarded, without even token recognition.

He did not feed it properly. He denied it full satisfaction in your personal relationship. He tried to make it thin enough to disappear. He tried to douse his normally vital animal spirits, and now the body and the animal spirits do need some such extra attention.

You can understand then some of the conflict here. That is one of the reasons that he seeks what you call offbeat positions, but he has made progress in this line, and should continue to do so. At one time only a freelance selling position, you see, would have been an acceptable compromise.

The urge between the child’s desire to do so, the basically kind nature, and the inability to carry out any such actions in any case, led to an overguarding ego. The ego did not appear rigid, for the inner seethings made it impossible, and spontaneity constantly erupted, but in ways the whole personality felt were the least dangerous.

The spontaneous self when it did escape, you see, managed to do so only under circumstances where the explosive impulses shattered their way through. In the years between there was some considerable improvement in balance. When the situations developed which we have discussed, setting off the old conflicts, again you see, then the discipline idea was short-circuited back to the old compulsive behavior, though in different form, and with the old religious connotation of self-denial. The old fear of spontaneity returned, and the methodical attempt to deny subconscious impulses; the old feeling of unworthiness was also activated, and the body duly denied. Now this self-denial began in the Catholic home, and he was peculiarly prone to accept it. It was part of the old Catholic training, and he fell for it under a new guise. (Jane spent over a year in such a home while her mother was hospitalized for arthritis.)