“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

In Ruburt’s years with Zeh, there was severe splitting of the personality. It is not a new thing with him to push aside the subconscious at all. In all cases when he does, an explosion of one kind occurs. His subconscious intuitive self, you see, is extremely vital, alive, and unusually insistent for expression, even for the subconscious which is known for this.

His ego however is also very strong. His mother taught him to be extremely fearful of his subconscious, and the rigid ego became a protection from it and her. As he grew older he thought of the ego as a balancing agent against an inner spontaneous self that always, it seemed, got him into trouble. Now I would like to continue here, but I imagine your hands are tired.

Then, the strong conflict between the ego and subconscious was the result of home environment. He allowed himself no spontaneous expression at home with his mother. This denied, his normal spontaneity exploded when it was allowed opportunity, sometimes in unfortunate circumstances. In panic, the ego then tripled its defenses. He was not capable of loving Zeh or anyone, later. They both knew this and counted upon it. With Zeh, again, Ruburt denied the spontaneous self in normal daily interaction with him; with Zeh. And this denied spontaneous self exploded when and where it could.