“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I had no idea, consciously, that I could go into such a deep trance or for that matter, give such precise information. Certainly the drinks must have lowered my defenses, though I wasn’t tight. Certainly cold sober though I would not have allowed myself to behave in this manner. The experience is a valuable one though. I was quite frightened all in all. At the same time somewhat surprised; didn’t realize my abilities were that good or that I could get such specific data. Wouldn’t go through that very damn often though; data or no data. The question arises: Would such experiences bring their own discipline and protection? Was it so vivid and frightening because it was my first experience? Or because in such circumstances the emotions will always be picked up so vividly? Certainly if the Seth sessions had involved this sort of thing—particularly in the beginning—I am pretty sure we wouldn’t have continued them. At least I don’t believe we would have.

(I thought that when I said no to Seth, that was all that was required, as nothing like this has happened before. Rob insists that I must have subconsciously given consent, though, and of course he must be correct though I am certainly not conscious of any moment where I did so. Obviously I will have to protect myself and set up further barriers as this sort of thing could not be allowed to take over whenever the circumstances were favorable.

(The next day I began my monthly period, a few days early but not at all unusually early. This leads me to think that during ovulation and just before my period particular caution could be used. It is very possible however that this sort of thing would only happen infrequently in any case. The control must be in our conscious hands, however; regardless.

(Besides I don’t want people coming here looking for that sort of thing certainly. Now I’m sort of sorry that people will know about the Seth sessions; know what we’re doing twice a week; and of course this is partially my fault. It is hard to get a balanced attitude, which is what is needed—and we usually do achieve one, incidentally. Wanted to write down what I am thinking about this as I may want to write about the incident in the future.

(Another point: Barb must be highly neurotic, attempting suicide by her own count, four times. She was sort of flirting with Rob earlier; told us to her he represented the ideal man type and emphasized his “sternness.” I wasn’t angry with her or anything at all, but somewhat embarrassed for her in front of Gallaghers; but I wasn’t particularly amused either. I even wondered later if this had something to do with what happened; though not sure of the connection. Pretty far-out but perhaps in some way it added to the whole thing.

(I do not know if our attitude toward this type of thing is too rigid; that is, if it would seem so to others; the Gallaghers, for instance. I say that I don’t want people to “expect that sort of thing when they come here” and when I think about it I do consider it as somehow unpleasant or exhibitionistic. Of course there must be exhibitionistic tendencies, perfectly all right, in order for any quite legitimate thing like this to happen; yet somehow you still distrust it. Rob I think actively dislikes it. I am afraid of it to some degree. Certainly on occasion I think it would be perfectly okay with Gallaghers, for instance, to try to see what I could pick up. But then, when I think of it, I’m afraid to let go for fear of being wrong; or of making some sort of display with no legitimate information being given. This doesn’t help. The other night the whole thing happened so fast that I didn’t even think of such things. It is highly possible that the emotional part—and perhaps even what we think of as the display— are necessary in some cases—or are of great help. But the other night was just too much, the second episode, even considering these points, as far as I am concerned. Had it ended after the first episode, it might have been okay, or at least less upsetting. Recall; it is only the first less emotional part that yielded the precise information as far as I know. I do think that when we get the notes, I should just have Barb write out yes or no to the points given; very professional and purposely unemotional but I do want to know if that emotional bit added anything data-wise or not.