“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(So we talked about this for a few minutes. Then suddenly I was in a very deep trance of which I have no memory—except at the very end, when I was yelling my lungs out, and I believe, flat on the floor crying. What I said I don’t know now, though apparently at the end I was reliving some suicide attempt of Barb’s? Or an operation? Wouldn’t know; it was supposed to be afternoon I do recall that.

(The whole thing was highly distasteful to Rob I believe; he dislikes emotional displays to begin with. After it was over it was highly distasteful to me. At the time “I” wasn’t aware of anything much on my own in the usual manner. Just this barrage of impressions. But I am not aware and wasn’t of the way in which the impressions came; not one image that I recall. Just the words. They were mine definitely. No control personality for example of any kind. But where I got the words; or what inner translations happened before I spoke them, I don’t know. I wasn’t aware of the original perceptions, in other words. There was no hesitancy and little groping around . Giving test data in the sessions, there are translations that I make and I am careful, trying to interpret what I get; here, the interpretations were already made; at a subconscious level? Presumably.

(I recall telling Barb she would make another? or other? attempts on her life, but would die in her early eighties of [pneumonia?]. Maybe I said in Greenwich, Connecticut. Something about another man also that I don’t recall. This is all I remember. I did not remember the Greenwich data or the other points that did check out; I only know of them because we talked about them before the second trance started.

(I do not know if our attitude toward this type of thing is too rigid; that is, if it would seem so to others; the Gallaghers, for instance. I say that I don’t want people to “expect that sort of thing when they come here” and when I think about it I do consider it as somehow unpleasant or exhibitionistic. Of course there must be exhibitionistic tendencies, perfectly all right, in order for any quite legitimate thing like this to happen; yet somehow you still distrust it. Rob I think actively dislikes it. I am afraid of it to some degree. Certainly on occasion I think it would be perfectly okay with Gallaghers, for instance, to try to see what I could pick up. But then, when I think of it, I’m afraid to let go for fear of being wrong; or of making some sort of display with no legitimate information being given. This doesn’t help. The other night the whole thing happened so fast that I didn’t even think of such things. It is highly possible that the emotional part—and perhaps even what we think of as the display— are necessary in some cases—or are of great help. But the other night was just too much, the second episode, even considering these points, as far as I am concerned. Had it ended after the first episode, it might have been okay, or at least less upsetting. Recall; it is only the first less emotional part that yielded the precise information as far as I know. I do think that when we get the notes, I should just have Barb write out yes or no to the points given; very professional and purposely unemotional but I do want to know if that emotional bit added anything data-wise or not.

(On some occasions with Gallaghers I tried on my own and was conscious of an annoying restraint on my part; I was afraid of making a fool of myself. One time in particular I recall when I gave some data about Bill’s ….(grandmother?) sitting around a table; seance style. This time of course all the lights were on.