“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I had no idea, consciously, that I could go into such a deep trance or for that matter, give such precise information. Certainly the drinks must have lowered my defenses, though I wasn’t tight. Certainly cold sober though I would not have allowed myself to behave in this manner. The experience is a valuable one though. I was quite frightened all in all. At the same time somewhat surprised; didn’t realize my abilities were that good or that I could get such specific data. Wouldn’t go through that very damn often though; data or no data. The question arises: Would such experiences bring their own discipline and protection? Was it so vivid and frightening because it was my first experience? Or because in such circumstances the emotions will always be picked up so vividly? Certainly if the Seth sessions had involved this sort of thing—particularly in the beginning—I am pretty sure we wouldn’t have continued them. At least I don’t believe we would have.

(I don’t believe the performance would have taken place either if I didn’t feel basically protected—with Rob of course; and also knowing I would trust the Gallaghers implicitly. At the end I was inside an emotion; I didn’t feel “possessed” by Barb for instance or taken over by another; but I did feel and was immersed in an emotion not my own, and a very unpleasant frightening one for which I wasn’t prepared—again, at least consciously.

(I thought that when I said no to Seth, that was all that was required, as nothing like this has happened before. Rob insists that I must have subconsciously given consent, though, and of course he must be correct though I am certainly not conscious of any moment where I did so. Obviously I will have to protect myself and set up further barriers as this sort of thing could not be allowed to take over whenever the circumstances were favorable.

(Daily life must be maintained at a fairly balanced level however, regardless. If such episodes are upsetting then they are not to be encouraged. Does this mean that I should definitely see to it that such a situation never happens again? Or is that too rigid? I do know that an attitude of permissiveness, generally speaking, is definitely out. It does not seem necessary to refuse to discuss ESP under any conditions with anyone—little ESP was discussed the other evening though Barb asked me to hypnotize her several times and I refused. I think that night it was the charged emotional climate; Barb’s; and that perhaps it is simply certain individuals that I must protect myself against: I will not for example discuss ESP with Barb now. This might be it: the psychotic individual—and I knew that she was at least highly neurotic—may project so strongly that I pick up too much before I apply guards.