“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(These notes concern an incident that happened Friday evening, September 23,1966. A neighbor, Barbara Ingold, came up Friday about 7: with a shaker of stingers, one for Rob, Barb and myself. Rob was working. Barb and I drank our stingers and divided Rob’s. She talked about her past; suicide attempts, miscarriages, operations; very emotionally charged. I gave myself the suggestion that I would only react to constructive suggestions, to offset her emotional attitude. When she arrived, I was annoyed. We were going to have company; the dishes were to be done; I wanted to change clothes, etc. Mellowed by the drinks, I figured she might as well stay. She insisted on doing the dishes for me; she wants to buy friendship basically or make sure she is needed or some such.

(When Bill and Peg Gallagher arrived, about nine, I drank two cups of strong coffee, rather than the wine that everyone else drank; so it must have been 10:30 or so before I had a glass of wine. Conversation was led by Barb, again, to her own life and so forth. The evening wore on. Somewhere in here I felt that I could have a Seth session regarding Barb. I said this softly to Rob and once to Peg; who knows about the sessions, of course. Barb knows hardly anything, though I think she knows about Seth in a general way. Rob shook his head and I didn’t particularly want to get involved anyway so I said no mentally. After a short while I no longer felt that Seth was around. A poor move. Barb heard me. Bill, it turns out, did not.

(Then—to me suddenly—in my own voice and without Seth, I began to give impressions about Barb’s past life. Saw no images at all, and had no idea whether anything made sense to her or was just subconscious fabrication on my part. No hesitancy either, though. The words just came. Very little memory of what I said but when I stopped Barb checked several points out as very good. I mentioned Greenwich, Connecticut; I didn’t even know there was a Greenwich, in Connecticut, though I am familiar with Greenwich, NY, and it seems to me I thought there was one in Vermont. Anyway Barb said she lived there some years back. Also mentioned particular initials—now I forget them—Peg took notes and will have them—and these were excellent, referring specifically to Barb’s boyfriend, Dick. The first initial was “G”, however. She told us his first name was really George; of course we were surprised, and had no idea of this. Something about a second child, a male, also hit her; and another point that I forget. There may be others, we haven’t checked the notes yet.

(The trance was the deepest I have been in. Again I saw nothing; no images; but I was oddly unprotected; the emotional state was not a bit pleasant as I was screaming over this episode, apparently a past one of Barb’s. With Seth, for example, I feel nothing. I yelled out for Rob. He tried to help me break the trance, which was rather difficult. “I” was taken over by the emotional mood so that it was difficult to snap back. I kept going back in for awhile. Finally Bill and Peg took Rob and me for a ride in the cold night air, to snap me out of it.

(To me, at least the checked-out information in the first part was excellent; the correct town and state, initials, the point about the second child—Barb just said yes, yes; but didn’t explain; and there was something else. We didn’t check out the information I gave during the second, more emotional part of the trance. I was too upset and Rob was too worried about me to pick up such precise information—but will be curious as to whether or not any good points were given during the second, more charged segment.

(The whole thing was highly distasteful to Rob I believe; he dislikes emotional displays to begin with. After it was over it was highly distasteful to me. At the time “I” wasn’t aware of anything much on my own in the usual manner. Just this barrage of impressions. But I am not aware and wasn’t of the way in which the impressions came; not one image that I recall. Just the words. They were mine definitely. No control personality for example of any kind. But where I got the words; or what inner translations happened before I spoke them, I don’t know. I wasn’t aware of the original perceptions, in other words. There was no hesitancy and little groping around . Giving test data in the sessions, there are translations that I make and I am careful, trying to interpret what I get; here, the interpretations were already made; at a subconscious level? Presumably.

(The next day I began my monthly period, a few days early but not at all unusually early. This leads me to think that during ovulation and just before my period particular caution could be used. It is very possible however that this sort of thing would only happen infrequently in any case. The control must be in our conscious hands, however; regardless.

(Unfortunately it was a display; at least this is our way of looking at it and certainly our way of looking at it must be the most important one and our attitudes must guide our actions; no one else’s attitudes. The information in the first part was excellent, to my way of seeing it; but it was gained at the cost of this…. exhibition. And in order to use the ability it must be disciplined; it could hardly be allowed to run wild. It probably wouldn’t in any case; certainly mediums who charge for readings and hold regular ones daily, don’t go through that all the time. On the other hand the strength of the ability also determines the amount of discipline to be used; it has to. You can’t clam up so tight in fear that you don’t give yourself the opportunity to use or develop the ability surely; but you don’t use it indiscriminately either. The way it was used the other night does frighten me to some degree surely. I’d even go so far as to say that an overly disciplined attitude would lead to a fairly decent and balanced frame of mind. A permissive attitude would make me more frightened. Looking back, I see that the situation actually was strictly supervised; if not I do not think I would have done anything. But the fact is: I am not sure.

(Did the fact that some of the first information check out then encourage me to continue? Most likely. If it had been all wrong I would have been too embarrassed; and felt like an idiot I suppose—though again this is not the right attitude either—too far in the other direction.

(Daily life must be maintained at a fairly balanced level however, regardless. If such episodes are upsetting then they are not to be encouraged. Does this mean that I should definitely see to it that such a situation never happens again? Or is that too rigid? I do know that an attitude of permissiveness, generally speaking, is definitely out. It does not seem necessary to refuse to discuss ESP under any conditions with anyone—little ESP was discussed the other evening though Barb asked me to hypnotize her several times and I refused. I think that night it was the charged emotional climate; Barb’s; and that perhaps it is simply certain individuals that I must protect myself against: I will not for example discuss ESP with Barb now. This might be it: the psychotic individual—and I knew that she was at least highly neurotic—may project so strongly that I pick up too much before I apply guards.

(It must be emphasized that I did not know consciously that such an affair could even happen. I didn’t know my abilities were that good, to tell the truth; and had no idea that there was any danger of acting as a medium without Seth. I used to worry that if Seth gave wrong data this would reflect on the legitimate nature of that personality. This time Seth was not present. Did this give me added freedom?