“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(When Bill and Peg Gallagher arrived, about nine, I drank two cups of strong coffee, rather than the wine that everyone else drank; so it must have been 10:30 or so before I had a glass of wine. Conversation was led by Barb, again, to her own life and so forth. The evening wore on. Somewhere in here I felt that I could have a Seth session regarding Barb. I said this softly to Rob and once to Peg; who knows about the sessions, of course. Barb knows hardly anything, though I think she knows about Seth in a general way. Rob shook his head and I didn’t particularly want to get involved anyway so I said no mentally. After a short while I no longer felt that Seth was around. A poor move. Barb heard me. Bill, it turns out, did not.

(The whole thing was highly distasteful to Rob I believe; he dislikes emotional displays to begin with. After it was over it was highly distasteful to me. At the time “I” wasn’t aware of anything much on my own in the usual manner. Just this barrage of impressions. But I am not aware and wasn’t of the way in which the impressions came; not one image that I recall. Just the words. They were mine definitely. No control personality for example of any kind. But where I got the words; or what inner translations happened before I spoke them, I don’t know. I wasn’t aware of the original perceptions, in other words. There was no hesitancy and little groping around . Giving test data in the sessions, there are translations that I make and I am careful, trying to interpret what I get; here, the interpretations were already made; at a subconscious level? Presumably.

(It is important to remember that as far as I know—the first part containing the valid information—was not particularly emotional—nor unpleasant—except for the “normal” mechanics of the trance it was not a display. Had it stopped here I don’t believe Rob or I would have been nearly as upset as we were after the last episode was over.

(Besides I don’t want people coming here looking for that sort of thing certainly. Now I’m sort of sorry that people will know about the Seth sessions; know what we’re doing twice a week; and of course this is partially my fault. It is hard to get a balanced attitude, which is what is needed—and we usually do achieve one, incidentally. Wanted to write down what I am thinking about this as I may want to write about the incident in the future.

(I do not know if our attitude toward this type of thing is too rigid; that is, if it would seem so to others; the Gallaghers, for instance. I say that I don’t want people to “expect that sort of thing when they come here” and when I think about it I do consider it as somehow unpleasant or exhibitionistic. Of course there must be exhibitionistic tendencies, perfectly all right, in order for any quite legitimate thing like this to happen; yet somehow you still distrust it. Rob I think actively dislikes it. I am afraid of it to some degree. Certainly on occasion I think it would be perfectly okay with Gallaghers, for instance, to try to see what I could pick up. But then, when I think of it, I’m afraid to let go for fear of being wrong; or of making some sort of display with no legitimate information being given. This doesn’t help. The other night the whole thing happened so fast that I didn’t even think of such things. It is highly possible that the emotional part—and perhaps even what we think of as the display— are necessary in some cases—or are of great help. But the other night was just too much, the second episode, even considering these points, as far as I am concerned. Had it ended after the first episode, it might have been okay, or at least less upsetting. Recall; it is only the first less emotional part that yielded the precise information as far as I know. I do think that when we get the notes, I should just have Barb write out yes or no to the points given; very professional and purposely unemotional but I do want to know if that emotional bit added anything data-wise or not.