“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I had no idea, consciously, that I could go into such a deep trance or for that matter, give such precise information. Certainly the drinks must have lowered my defenses, though I wasn’t tight. Certainly cold sober though I would not have allowed myself to behave in this manner. The experience is a valuable one though. I was quite frightened all in all. At the same time somewhat surprised; didn’t realize my abilities were that good or that I could get such specific data. Wouldn’t go through that very damn often though; data or no data. The question arises: Would such experiences bring their own discipline and protection? Was it so vivid and frightening because it was my first experience? Or because in such circumstances the emotions will always be picked up so vividly? Certainly if the Seth sessions had involved this sort of thing—particularly in the beginning—I am pretty sure we wouldn’t have continued them. At least I don’t believe we would have.

(I don’t believe the performance would have taken place either if I didn’t feel basically protected—with Rob of course; and also knowing I would trust the Gallaghers implicitly. At the end I was inside an emotion; I didn’t feel “possessed” by Barb for instance or taken over by another; but I did feel and was immersed in an emotion not my own, and a very unpleasant frightening one for which I wasn’t prepared—again, at least consciously.

(At the last I was frightened enough to yell for help when I got the chance; and Rob came to my assistance. Perhaps—most certainly in fact—the thing would just have ended itself but the emotional situation could have gotten worse first; if I was reliving an emotional state I could have gone through the whole thing, granted there was more to it. [Just now, writing this, when I was on the floor sobbing, I did feel that I was on a bed, crying.]

(Unfortunately it was a display; at least this is our way of looking at it and certainly our way of looking at it must be the most important one and our attitudes must guide our actions; no one else’s attitudes. The information in the first part was excellent, to my way of seeing it; but it was gained at the cost of this…. exhibition. And in order to use the ability it must be disciplined; it could hardly be allowed to run wild. It probably wouldn’t in any case; certainly mediums who charge for readings and hold regular ones daily, don’t go through that all the time. On the other hand the strength of the ability also determines the amount of discipline to be used; it has to. You can’t clam up so tight in fear that you don’t give yourself the opportunity to use or develop the ability surely; but you don’t use it indiscriminately either. The way it was used the other night does frighten me to some degree surely. I’d even go so far as to say that an overly disciplined attitude would lead to a fairly decent and balanced frame of mind. A permissive attitude would make me more frightened. Looking back, I see that the situation actually was strictly supervised; if not I do not think I would have done anything. But the fact is: I am not sure.