“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(These notes concern an incident that happened Friday evening, September 23,1966. A neighbor, Barbara Ingold, came up Friday about 7: with a shaker of stingers, one for Rob, Barb and myself. Rob was working. Barb and I drank our stingers and divided Rob’s. She talked about her past; suicide attempts, miscarriages, operations; very emotionally charged. I gave myself the suggestion that I would only react to constructive suggestions, to offset her emotional attitude. When she arrived, I was annoyed. We were going to have company; the dishes were to be done; I wanted to change clothes, etc. Mellowed by the drinks, I figured she might as well stay. She insisted on doing the dishes for me; she wants to buy friendship basically or make sure she is needed or some such.

(The trance was the deepest I have been in. Again I saw nothing; no images; but I was oddly unprotected; the emotional state was not a bit pleasant as I was screaming over this episode, apparently a past one of Barb’s. With Seth, for example, I feel nothing. I yelled out for Rob. He tried to help me break the trance, which was rather difficult. “I” was taken over by the emotional mood so that it was difficult to snap back. I kept going back in for awhile. Finally Bill and Peg took Rob and me for a ride in the cold night air, to snap me out of it.

(To me, at least the checked-out information in the first part was excellent; the correct town and state, initials, the point about the second child—Barb just said yes, yes; but didn’t explain; and there was something else. We didn’t check out the information I gave during the second, more emotional part of the trance. I was too upset and Rob was too worried about me to pick up such precise information—but will be curious as to whether or not any good points were given during the second, more charged segment.

(I had no idea, consciously, that I could go into such a deep trance or for that matter, give such precise information. Certainly the drinks must have lowered my defenses, though I wasn’t tight. Certainly cold sober though I would not have allowed myself to behave in this manner. The experience is a valuable one though. I was quite frightened all in all. At the same time somewhat surprised; didn’t realize my abilities were that good or that I could get such specific data. Wouldn’t go through that very damn often though; data or no data. The question arises: Would such experiences bring their own discipline and protection? Was it so vivid and frightening because it was my first experience? Or because in such circumstances the emotions will always be picked up so vividly? Certainly if the Seth sessions had involved this sort of thing—particularly in the beginning—I am pretty sure we wouldn’t have continued them. At least I don’t believe we would have.

(I don’t believe the performance would have taken place either if I didn’t feel basically protected—with Rob of course; and also knowing I would trust the Gallaghers implicitly. At the end I was inside an emotion; I didn’t feel “possessed” by Barb for instance or taken over by another; but I did feel and was immersed in an emotion not my own, and a very unpleasant frightening one for which I wasn’t prepared—again, at least consciously.

(The whole thing was highly distasteful to Rob I believe; he dislikes emotional displays to begin with. After it was over it was highly distasteful to me. At the time “I” wasn’t aware of anything much on my own in the usual manner. Just this barrage of impressions. But I am not aware and wasn’t of the way in which the impressions came; not one image that I recall. Just the words. They were mine definitely. No control personality for example of any kind. But where I got the words; or what inner translations happened before I spoke them, I don’t know. I wasn’t aware of the original perceptions, in other words. There was no hesitancy and little groping around . Giving test data in the sessions, there are translations that I make and I am careful, trying to interpret what I get; here, the interpretations were already made; at a subconscious level? Presumably.

(At the last I was frightened enough to yell for help when I got the chance; and Rob came to my assistance. Perhaps—most certainly in fact—the thing would just have ended itself but the emotional situation could have gotten worse first; if I was reliving an emotional state I could have gone through the whole thing, granted there was more to it. [Just now, writing this, when I was on the floor sobbing, I did feel that I was on a bed, crying.]

(It is important to remember that as far as I know—the first part containing the valid information—was not particularly emotional—nor unpleasant—except for the “normal” mechanics of the trance it was not a display. Had it stopped here I don’t believe Rob or I would have been nearly as upset as we were after the last episode was over.

(Again, I’m curious as to whether or not the added emotional factor at the end added anything to the specific information given. If not, then little good can be said of it. Of course it would still be possible that additional information might have been given if the condition had been allowed to continue.

(I do not know if our attitude toward this type of thing is too rigid; that is, if it would seem so to others; the Gallaghers, for instance. I say that I don’t want people to “expect that sort of thing when they come here” and when I think about it I do consider it as somehow unpleasant or exhibitionistic. Of course there must be exhibitionistic tendencies, perfectly all right, in order for any quite legitimate thing like this to happen; yet somehow you still distrust it. Rob I think actively dislikes it. I am afraid of it to some degree. Certainly on occasion I think it would be perfectly okay with Gallaghers, for instance, to try to see what I could pick up. But then, when I think of it, I’m afraid to let go for fear of being wrong; or of making some sort of display with no legitimate information being given. This doesn’t help. The other night the whole thing happened so fast that I didn’t even think of such things. It is highly possible that the emotional part—and perhaps even what we think of as the display— are necessary in some cases—or are of great help. But the other night was just too much, the second episode, even considering these points, as far as I am concerned. Had it ended after the first episode, it might have been okay, or at least less upsetting. Recall; it is only the first less emotional part that yielded the precise information as far as I know. I do think that when we get the notes, I should just have Barb write out yes or no to the points given; very professional and purposely unemotional but I do want to know if that emotional bit added anything data-wise or not.

(Daily life must be maintained at a fairly balanced level however, regardless. If such episodes are upsetting then they are not to be encouraged. Does this mean that I should definitely see to it that such a situation never happens again? Or is that too rigid? I do know that an attitude of permissiveness, generally speaking, is definitely out. It does not seem necessary to refuse to discuss ESP under any conditions with anyone—little ESP was discussed the other evening though Barb asked me to hypnotize her several times and I refused. I think that night it was the charged emotional climate; Barb’s; and that perhaps it is simply certain individuals that I must protect myself against: I will not for example discuss ESP with Barb now. This might be it: the psychotic individual—and I knew that she was at least highly neurotic—may project so strongly that I pick up too much before I apply guards.