“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(I had no idea, consciously, that I could go into such a deep trance or for that matter, give such precise information. Certainly the drinks must have lowered my defenses, though I wasn’t tight. Certainly cold sober though I would not have allowed myself to behave in this manner. The experience is a valuable one though. I was quite frightened all in all. At the same time somewhat surprised; didn’t realize my abilities were that good or that I could get such specific data. Wouldn’t go through that very damn often though; data or no data. The question arises: Would such experiences bring their own discipline and protection? Was it so vivid and frightening because it was my first experience? Or because in such circumstances the emotions will always be picked up so vividly? Certainly if the Seth sessions had involved this sort of thing—particularly in the beginning—I am pretty sure we wouldn’t have continued them. At least I don’t believe we would have.

(I don’t believe the performance would have taken place either if I didn’t feel basically protected—with Rob of course; and also knowing I would trust the Gallaghers implicitly. At the end I was inside an emotion; I didn’t feel “possessed” by Barb for instance or taken over by another; but I did feel and was immersed in an emotion not my own, and a very unpleasant frightening one for which I wasn’t prepared—again, at least consciously.

(I thought that when I said no to Seth, that was all that was required, as nothing like this has happened before. Rob insists that I must have subconsciously given consent, though, and of course he must be correct though I am certainly not conscious of any moment where I did so. Obviously I will have to protect myself and set up further barriers as this sort of thing could not be allowed to take over whenever the circumstances were favorable.

(The next day I began my monthly period, a few days early but not at all unusually early. This leads me to think that during ovulation and just before my period particular caution could be used. It is very possible however that this sort of thing would only happen infrequently in any case. The control must be in our conscious hands, however; regardless.

(It must be emphasized that I did not know consciously that such an affair could even happen. I didn’t know my abilities were that good, to tell the truth; and had no idea that there was any danger of acting as a medium without Seth. I used to worry that if Seth gave wrong data this would reflect on the legitimate nature of that personality. This time Seth was not present. Did this give me added freedom?

(On some occasions with Gallaghers I tried on my own and was conscious of an annoying restraint on my part; I was afraid of making a fool of myself. One time in particular I recall when I gave some data about Bill’s ….(grandmother?) sitting around a table; seance style. This time of course all the lights were on.

(Very possible that subconscious controls were used this time, without my knowledge of course, consciously. Nevertheless there must be conscious control and the ego must be certain of its dominant position—not be afraid of being taken over, willy-nilly.