“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Then—to me suddenly—in my own voice and without Seth, I began to give impressions about Barb’s past life. Saw no images at all, and had no idea whether anything made sense to her or was just subconscious fabrication on my part. No hesitancy either, though. The words just came. Very little memory of what I said but when I stopped Barb checked several points out as very good. I mentioned Greenwich, Connecticut; I didn’t even know there was a Greenwich, in Connecticut, though I am familiar with Greenwich, NY, and it seems to me I thought there was one in Vermont. Anyway Barb said she lived there some years back. Also mentioned particular initials—now I forget them—Peg took notes and will have them—and these were excellent, referring specifically to Barb’s boyfriend, Dick. The first initial was “G”, however. She told us his first name was really George; of course we were surprised, and had no idea of this. Something about a second child, a male, also hit her; and another point that I forget. There may be others, we haven’t checked the notes yet.

(I had no idea, consciously, that I could go into such a deep trance or for that matter, give such precise information. Certainly the drinks must have lowered my defenses, though I wasn’t tight. Certainly cold sober though I would not have allowed myself to behave in this manner. The experience is a valuable one though. I was quite frightened all in all. At the same time somewhat surprised; didn’t realize my abilities were that good or that I could get such specific data. Wouldn’t go through that very damn often though; data or no data. The question arises: Would such experiences bring their own discipline and protection? Was it so vivid and frightening because it was my first experience? Or because in such circumstances the emotions will always be picked up so vividly? Certainly if the Seth sessions had involved this sort of thing—particularly in the beginning—I am pretty sure we wouldn’t have continued them. At least I don’t believe we would have.

(I thought that when I said no to Seth, that was all that was required, as nothing like this has happened before. Rob insists that I must have subconsciously given consent, though, and of course he must be correct though I am certainly not conscious of any moment where I did so. Obviously I will have to protect myself and set up further barriers as this sort of thing could not be allowed to take over whenever the circumstances were favorable.

(The next day I began my monthly period, a few days early but not at all unusually early. This leads me to think that during ovulation and just before my period particular caution could be used. It is very possible however that this sort of thing would only happen infrequently in any case. The control must be in our conscious hands, however; regardless.

(Unfortunately it was a display; at least this is our way of looking at it and certainly our way of looking at it must be the most important one and our attitudes must guide our actions; no one else’s attitudes. The information in the first part was excellent, to my way of seeing it; but it was gained at the cost of this…. exhibition. And in order to use the ability it must be disciplined; it could hardly be allowed to run wild. It probably wouldn’t in any case; certainly mediums who charge for readings and hold regular ones daily, don’t go through that all the time. On the other hand the strength of the ability also determines the amount of discipline to be used; it has to. You can’t clam up so tight in fear that you don’t give yourself the opportunity to use or develop the ability surely; but you don’t use it indiscriminately either. The way it was used the other night does frighten me to some degree surely. I’d even go so far as to say that an overly disciplined attitude would lead to a fairly decent and balanced frame of mind. A permissive attitude would make me more frightened. Looking back, I see that the situation actually was strictly supervised; if not I do not think I would have done anything. But the fact is: I am not sure.

(Another point: Barb must be highly neurotic, attempting suicide by her own count, four times. She was sort of flirting with Rob earlier; told us to her he represented the ideal man type and emphasized his “sternness.” I wasn’t angry with her or anything at all, but somewhat embarrassed for her in front of Gallaghers; but I wasn’t particularly amused either. I even wondered later if this had something to do with what happened; though not sure of the connection. Pretty far-out but perhaps in some way it added to the whole thing.

(I recall telling Barb she would make another? or other? attempts on her life, but would die in her early eighties of [pneumonia?]. Maybe I said in Greenwich, Connecticut. Something about another man also that I don’t recall. This is all I remember. I did not remember the Greenwich data or the other points that did check out; I only know of them because we talked about them before the second trance started.

(I do not know if our attitude toward this type of thing is too rigid; that is, if it would seem so to others; the Gallaghers, for instance. I say that I don’t want people to “expect that sort of thing when they come here” and when I think about it I do consider it as somehow unpleasant or exhibitionistic. Of course there must be exhibitionistic tendencies, perfectly all right, in order for any quite legitimate thing like this to happen; yet somehow you still distrust it. Rob I think actively dislikes it. I am afraid of it to some degree. Certainly on occasion I think it would be perfectly okay with Gallaghers, for instance, to try to see what I could pick up. But then, when I think of it, I’m afraid to let go for fear of being wrong; or of making some sort of display with no legitimate information being given. This doesn’t help. The other night the whole thing happened so fast that I didn’t even think of such things. It is highly possible that the emotional part—and perhaps even what we think of as the display— are necessary in some cases—or are of great help. But the other night was just too much, the second episode, even considering these points, as far as I am concerned. Had it ended after the first episode, it might have been okay, or at least less upsetting. Recall; it is only the first less emotional part that yielded the precise information as far as I know. I do think that when we get the notes, I should just have Barb write out yes or no to the points given; very professional and purposely unemotional but I do want to know if that emotional bit added anything data-wise or not.

(Did the fact that some of the first information check out then encourage me to continue? Most likely. If it had been all wrong I would have been too embarrassed; and felt like an idiot I suppose—though again this is not the right attitude either—too far in the other direction.

(On some occasions with Gallaghers I tried on my own and was conscious of an annoying restraint on my part; I was afraid of making a fool of myself. One time in particular I recall when I gave some data about Bill’s ….(grandmother?) sitting around a table; seance style. This time of course all the lights were on.