“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

The reactions are beautiful examples. First of all Ruburt was worried, somewhat, concerning your own reactions when you found that you now had a new engagement for Friday evening, after already planning to cancel a previous one, in order to have some free time for yourself, and he felt to blame since he had already made a commitment to Mark—rather unwillingly, by the way. But it will harm him in no way to help Mark in his endeavor.

Next, he discovered that another gentleman had also been invited, the owner of another gallery, and a man whom Ruburt quite actively dislikes. Following this, reacting rather typically as a woman, he discovered that he did not believe enough good chairs were available.

This is highly amusing, for he did not want to have a chair available for the owner of the second gallery. He did not want him in the house. However he felt quite guilty over this, for the man is a Negro, and he feared that his dislike would be taken as discrimination. To prove to himself that this indeed was not the case, he began a nervous, frenzied and altogether desperate attempt to make certain that enough chairs were available.

He was very fond as a child of Edward Briscoe, who was also Negro. Edward was poor and the victim of circumstances. He helped out in Ruburt’s household, therefore Ruburt feels that he should be extremely pleasant and helpful to any Negro, for this other boy’s sake. And so he felt extremely guilty because he did not welcome the thought of this other Negro into his house.

He was quite correct in assuming as he did that his upset had little to do with a lack of chairs, since he knew perfectly well that a sufficiency was available. Now, for another piece to our puzzle. The mayor is also to be present upon this occasion, and Ruburt thought subconsciously how pleased her friend, Edward Briscoe, would be in his simple way—in the old days—to be present, and how impressed he would be with the mayor.

So Edward and this Negro owner of the gallery became entwined in Ruburt’s mind. He knew that it would be quite an occasion for this young man to visit informally, so to speak, with the mayor, though he would vehemently deny it; and yet Ruburt did not want the man in the house, therefore denying him such a privilege at least in thought.

I decided to mention this since he is at the point now—I am speaking of Ruburt—when he will not accept the superficial reasons given by the ego for many reactions, but seeks to discover deeper causes. There was also some other problem here, in that Ruburt feels, as you do, and quite rightly, that Mark is in over his head, psychologically speaking.

Mark, in attempting to help this other young man, may indeed end up helping himself, for it will turn him outward. But the situation also has other dangers. Because of Mark’s background, subconsciously he fears Negroes; and the fear is so great, unfortunately, that it becomes a fascination. He is repelled and fascinated at the same time.

Such is not exactly the case. The child exists within the man, yes, but he is not the same child. The memories that he thinks are the child’s memories are not memories of a particular event that happened to the child. That is, they do not contain a precise picture of any particular incident that occurred. Each incident is recreated when the memory of it arises, but the memory is changed with each recreation, and subtly changed.

Longer than a ring box. It does not seem to have a cardboard cover, nor to be made of cardboard. Perhaps it holds a pen and pencil. I have the impression of a date, 1936 or 7. Perhaps this is when he obtained the box or its contents, I believe as a gift. Somehow connected with achievement, however. (Pause.)

(“A disturbing event in the month of June, ’64.” Jane said she thought this referred to an episode when she should have visited the dentist, Dr. Colucci, but did not. She keeps a brief daily record of activities, and verified her idea. In her notebook she found a record that on May 31,1964, she woke up with a swollen lower left jaw. I thought it a bad tooth. At this time, not having practiced self-hypnosis consciously, Jane had a great fear of dentists. Instead of seeing a dentist she visited our doctor next door; he put her on a series of antibiotics that lasted for four days, on into the month of June 1964. The pendulum told Jane the swelling was psychosomatic and not a tooth; the doctor agreed, eventually, and Seth did too, in the 59th session for June 3,1964. See Volume 2.

(“A connection with another car, not your own.” When I visited Dr. Colucci on January 11 he told me that about a week previously, probably on Sunday, January 2,1966, he had been unable to make the climb up the icy road leading to his home outside Elmira. Dr. Colucci lives on top of a long steep hill, yet this was the first time in three years, he said, that he had been unable to drive home. Jane said Seth gave this bit of test data because we ourselves had had trouble making a nearby steep hill in our own car, also this month. Seth dealt with our own car troubles in the 222nd session. Jane said she thought the association between these two episodes was legitimate.

The June event did refer to Ruburt’s swollen gums, which were very painful. He feared most strongly that he would have to visit Colucci, and went to the doctor rather than see the dentist—although Colucci was out in the yard, and Ruburt saw him, as he will now remember.

The gas station association, while not particularly helpful for your purposes, was in some ways legitimate. The other car did refer to the dentist’s difficulty in making the hill, as he told you at your visit. The gasoline station was Ruburt’s personal association derived from this, subconsciously.

(Jane’s publisher had written her recently that he had had throat trouble.)