“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Originally, she collected the buttons to help him in his business. His family was large and scattered. He took great pains in his work, but he was also frightened; and the world confused him and he chattered, again like a squirrel. But they were very free in their own way, and your father’s family never forgave them for this freedom.

Your father wanted it but would not pay the price for it. Your mother would never think of it as freedom, but as slavery, so she had no use for either of them. She never understood the desire for freedom from worldly concerns that is part of your father’s nature, and of all your natures. It was because your father was not willing to pay the price that he was attracted to your mother, although other elements also entered in here.

For part of him was determined to gain worldly success, and he was always caught between wanting freedom, but he would not pay the price, or wanting worldly success for which he was not willing to pay the price. So that part of him that wanted success was attracted to your mother, who also wanted the same thing, and he spoke to her with that part of himself only. So in the beginning she did not know about this other part of him.

For your father was a great pretender in those early days; a dude and even a braggart, and he hid the part of himself that was aloof and sensitive, and wanted freedom. So he could be successful in no direction, for he did not know who he was.

Your mother still remembers the early days of her marriage, when she thought that she and your father would ultimately, beyond doubt, gain riches and success. She saw herself as the beautiful grand lady. She saw your father as her squire, and none of it happened. The man that she married had not told her the truth about his inner self, this itch he had for freedom from worldly concerns.

This desire for freedom from worldly concerns is a characteristic in your family on your father’s side. It has not been given any creative fulfillment except in your own case, for they have been thinking in terms of freedom from rather than freedom for. They did not have anything that they wanted to do with the freedom, but only escape. So your one brother with his [model] trains, and the other brother with his golf. The outlets are extremely necessary to them.