“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(The session was a quiet one and was held in our small back room. Jane spoke while sitting down, with her eyes closed and in a rather rapid manner, throughout the session. Occasionally she used pauses. Her voice was quiet to begin with, but where indicated it began to deepen. It did not acquire much more volume. This manifestation reminded me somewhat of the deeper voice effect Jane showed in the 172nd session. In that session Seth stated that it would become natural and easy for Jane to speak in that manner.)

Their ways were different in many respects, but they were kind to each other always. They shared a love of nature. They both hoarded the things they loved. To some extent they hoarded each other. They both dug in like squirrels, and hid.

To some extent she resembled her mother. Her vanity, however, was not a characteristic woman’s vanity. Her vanity was perhaps the one characteristic that she shared with other members of the family. She felt she was set apart, but also that she was set apart because she could not tolerate violence. Violence frightened her deeply.

She would not admit the fear, but would change the fear to pride, saying to herself that the world was evil, and she would therefore have little to do with it. And so she did not. She was not a foolish woman. She loved her husband most deeply. She and he shared a quite mystical love of nature and of animals. They would harm no one.

(Break at 9:24. Jane was rather well dissociated for a first break, she said. Her eyes had remained closed, her voice fairly deep but not loud to speak of.

Your father feels this way also. But he is bitter against it, and wants what it has to offer despite himself. She did not care. She was deeply attached to the other brother. She collected buttons and string and papers, even as she collected animals. To her the buttons almost seemed to have consciousness, and when she was alone she would take out her boxes of buttons and hold some in her hands, and remember the garments to which they belonged, and when she had worn them, and how the weather had been; and she lived in a present that was deeply colored by the past.

Her husband did resent this, and he would eye her when she sat thus, but he did not say a thing. She had saved the buttons from his garments also, and she would say, “Do you remember when you wore this suit, and where we were, and what we did?”

Originally, she collected the buttons to help him in his business. His family was large and scattered. He took great pains in his work, but he was also frightened; and the world confused him and he chattered, again like a squirrel. But they were very free in their own way, and your father’s family never forgave them for this freedom.

Your father wanted it but would not pay the price for it. Your mother would never think of it as freedom, but as slavery, so she had no use for either of them. She never understood the desire for freedom from worldly concerns that is part of your father’s nature, and of all your natures. It was because your father was not willing to pay the price that he was attracted to your mother, although other elements also entered in here.

For part of him was determined to gain worldly success, and he was always caught between wanting freedom, but he would not pay the price, or wanting worldly success for which he was not willing to pay the price. So that part of him that wanted success was attracted to your mother, who also wanted the same thing, and he spoke to her with that part of himself only. So in the beginning she did not know about this other part of him.

She did not have that sort of sensitivity, but she was more honest than he.

This desire for freedom from worldly concerns is a characteristic in your family on your father’s side. It has not been given any creative fulfillment except in your own case, for they have been thinking in terms of freedom from rather than freedom for. They did not have anything that they wanted to do with the freedom, but only escape. So your one brother with his [model] trains, and the other brother with his golf. The outlets are extremely necessary to them.

You Aunt Ella was much less frightened of death than anyone might suppose. She loved life, if not the world, but she did not believe that death was really an end. She felt her will nearby. For several years she had begun to retreat from this existence, and as she did so she became happier.

Your parents did not understand her when she spoke to them because they were both afraid to understand. There was nothing wrong with her mind. She simply did not bother focusing her energies upon practical matters, particularly during the last years, but she was quick spiritually.

She picked up hints and signs. She responded to warmth in people, and was somewhat childlike in this manner, but she would not pay any attention to a sharp tongue. She would turn her directions elsewhere. As people can turn their backs, she would turn her inner self away.

Another small note here, but a rather important one: Ruburt has nothing to fear from his mother, now, or after her death.

To some extent he projects his understandable but regrettable bitterness upon her, and then imagines that she aims it at Ruburt. The mother indeed has no great love for the daughter. There is a deep rage inside the mother. To some extent it is directed toward Ruburt, but Ruburt does have protection, the protection of his own love of all living things.

There are definite reasons for this. The reasons have been known and forgotten, but the very practical facts remain. If Ruburt would indeed do his mother harm if the opportunity presented itself, then he would indeed be in danger of harm. He is not capable of hurting anyone deliberately, even someone he dislikes bitterly.

When situations arise it is sometimes necessary that additional time be spent; but when it is not necessary then it is best that you have leisure and hours to devote to your own work.

But with such a psychic expansion you would know that you had nothing to fear. Until you know that you have nothing to fear, then the fear is a reality and must be treated as such. This development is not an easy one, nor can it be rushed, nor can you expect it of yourself.