“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

I should warn you that I am indeed feeling rather humorous myself this evening, and we have been so besieged with weighty matters that I have not had the opportunity to express myself in the more sociable fashion that I would like. So I take this opportunity to give my greetings to you both, and I will now as promised let you take your break.

I will now, because I am such a good host, not bore you with an extended monologue where you find yourselves in the position of not daring to utter a word, so I will give you a break, or I will if you prefer continue.

For your benefit, my dear Joseph, I am seeing to it that Ruburt is in good condition. Far be it from me to add to his considerable burdens.

While indeed I try to understand his ways, nevertheless I find it most difficult to understand on his part these mountains of self-doubt. I am hardly a portion of his personality. Were I a secondary personality of his, I would exhibit those characteristics that are inhibited in his personality, though I must admit I find it difficult to discover where he is inhibited. A less inhibited personality is difficult to find.

You both know, for I have told you time and time again, I am no misty—

—potbellied Buddha image, nor indeed any manifestation of your conception of a ghostly spirit that drifts in out of the night. It is only your own ignorance, and if you will excuse me, the superstition of the multitudes, that would give you the idea that I am some ghost of a nether world.

I have gone along, you must admit, with extreme good will, and suffered indeed all of Ruburt’s most painful and conscientious objections. The fact merely remains that I am who I am, and I am not Ruburt.

Not only that, it is simply a fact that your scientists will indeed discover, and no misty, magical superstition, that consciousness, of itself and because of its nature, forms physical matter. Because I once inhabited physical matter, as you all do now, does not mean that I am now some esoteric, occult creature of dim spiritualistic rather doubtful origins, who manages to invade gullible and neurotic consciousness.

—of a gullible, pseudomystical type of temperament. Nevertheless I cannot help but grow annoyed when I am literally besieged with the protests meant to insist upon his sanity, the point being that if he is sane, then I must be some nefarious seven-eyed monster. He does indeed give acquiescence for these sessions, and I am indeed fond of you both. I have been aware that you do not care, particularly, for the opinion of your fellow men. But our Ruburt, who has never cared for the opinion of his fellow men, now rises up in great worry. What is he afraid of?

Indeed the answer is only too obvious: the great writer fears to be found out; and why? Because the words he speaks are not his own. He knows only too well the importance of these sessions, and I am not afraid of his ego, for even his ego knows.

Nor do I here mean to depreciate Ruburt either, for I also am only too aware of those psychological tests which shall be put to us; and it should be obvious to you that in this respect your precious privacy is indeed invaded, and will be. None of you shall regret this night.

I am quite capable of continuing on without a break, but out of the goodness of my heart, Joseph, I will give your fingers a rest. You may take a break. If you and your guests are agreeable I will continue. Or if you are fatigued, you of course may be excused.

We find here a swing between aggressiveness and dependency. In the female existence of which I am speaking, it was the aggressiveness which the personality found distasteful; and in this existence we find the dependency, which you see does not fit in with the personality self-image.

Am I going too fast?

I can hardly in one evening undo the distortive errors of a lifetime to date. It would be most advantageous if other sessions were held for the particular purpose of delving into the problem, but this session alone has already prepared the self to know the self, and here the personality will take strides forward. The condition will improve. Of this I am certain.

I myself am in fine fettle. However I realize that I am somewhat freer than you, and I will indeed, my Joseph, end the session at your request.

I am most pleased to meet with you both, and I have no doubt that we shall indeed have other communications in these sessions. There is, Joseph, an importance here that you have not seen, but perhaps at our next session I will make it clear.

(End at 12:47 AM. Jane was again fully dissociated. It now took her a few seconds to open her eyes and keep them opened; they flickered several times first. Seth had been by far the most active yet since Jane had begun to speak while sitting down and with her eyes closed.

(Bill’s ulcer was still not bothering him, and he was still free of symptoms at 1:20 AM when Peggy and he left for home. Bill again mentioned that he thought he saw a change in Jane’s features while she was speaking, especially in the jawline and the shape of the face in general. I had noticed nothing. My writing hand felt only a mild fatigue.

(Resume at 1:25 AM, once again at a rather fast rate.)

It is partially due to characteristic seasonal variations on his part, and it is because this evening happens to represent the upward thrust of his abilities that I am taking advantage of the opportunity involved.

Indeed I do occasionally, as you saw this evening, badger him, but for his own good; and we are closer this evening than we have been for some time. Closer, in fact, than we have ever been, and I am permitted here with Ruburt’s eyes quite open, to sit with you and chat.

The physical changes in his features were fairly obvious, and I am indeed sorry that you did not perceive their nature. I do not know if you can perceive the difference in the emotional proximity this evening between us now. And if I do badger Ruburt as I did this evening, it is because I too have an emotional reaction in all of this.

(Break at 1:39 AM. Jane was well dissociated and did not remember any of the material. Her voice was practically a whisper now. When she stopped dictating her eyes closed, then blinked several times. When she looked at me again she was out of her trance.

(In spite of her whispering voice Jane said she felt all right. My writing hand was beginning to feel tired. The feeling of change in her features and personality had persisted through her delivery. It once again manifested itself when she resumed, still in a quiet voice and with her eyes open again, at 1:49 AM.)

(Break at 2:00 AM. Jane was fully dissociated. She ended the delivery with a broad smile. She said that emotionally she “doesn’t know who she is,” this evening.

(The strange thing here was that by now even I realized that Seth could do just what he said he could, that he still had not hit the top of his, or Jane’s, ability to produce a really stunning effect. I have no real way of measuring the magnitude of what I was hearing, beyond stating that it enveloped me completely. I not only felt that everyone in the apartment house could hear the voice, but that it was audible on the street. I am still surprised that no one banged on our door and asked for quiet.

Do you require a trifle more? I am quite prepared to deliver. It is because Ruburt’s own voice is so unmelodious with his cold that any effects of that nature—

There is an emotional action, Joseph, in this session that is important; for our sessions deal with many layers, and I regret that this one layer is at most times neglected. I am endeavoring to give this evening’s session an emotional gestalt that will be an experience in itself, and in itself a lesson.

You may take a break. I feel on the one hand that I am overstaying my welcome. On the other hand I know too well that this session will be more than worth your while. I suggest however that you take a break.

(“I am.”)

(End at 2:48 AM. Jane was dissociated as usual. Again she closed her eyes briefly to bring herself out of the trance. Her eyes had been very dark and luminous all evening.