“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(November 3, Tuesday 7 AM: Getting dressed for work this morning, I abruptly had the rather clear thought that I should walk back to my studio and look out the back windows, because I would be able to see that a car was parked in front of the garage, blocking the exit of my car from the garage. Looking out the windows, I received a jolt when I did see a car so parked, blocking off the exit of my own car.

(Was left with light feeling [not a weakness or anything], feeling as if I could rise up bodily, and quite definite sensation of having an empty space above my wrists. Took our cat out though, sat on steps waiting for Rob to come home from work; feeling diminished. Got lunch, told Rob what happened, left house for walk to post office to mail manuscript, and to grocery store. During lunch very slight but noticeable lightness in wrists and hands. Mentioned it, but didn’t think it at all important. Intended to do my errands, come home and write from 1:30 till 4:30.

(It’s a terrific autumn day, sunny. Walked perhaps half a block or so. Remember thinking suddenly that Seth might say the following in tonight’s session: Material world of physical matter doesn’t actually exist as such at all, in a real sense. Atoms and molecules etc. are our names for the stuff of which we compose our images or transpose them into apparent validity. Then the next thing I remember is a marvelous feeling of lightness, I felt not so much buoyant as free of resistance; physical resistance. Free of physical bulk, of physical pressures, as say, sometimes we imagine we might have felt sometime in early childhood. This didn’t register at first though; just felt unusually good, enjoying my walk, conscious of the lightness of my step, aware of a satisfying unity with creation.

(Headed across playground to strange street, not on my ordinary route. From there in, the sensation of lightness spread throughout my body except for chest region. Seemed no effort at all to walk, completely effortless, as if there was no resistance at all to overcome; no sense of muscular motion for example. Fabulous sense of well-being; of floating along the street. Walked this way about four blocks; went to store, feeling the same; talked to woman who works there in ordinary manner.

(Left; started way home. By now, however, felt as if lightness rose through body, and this changed so that suddenly I felt as if lower part of body had dissolved completely, up to chest. No muscular knowledge of carrying bag with three quarts of milk, and book and cigarettes that I’d purchased at all. Suddenly worried; realized for the first time that I wasn’t in state of something like just plain extraordinary good humor or good health or ordinary but unusual exuberance. First, I was aware that I felt as if body had dissolved below chest; but then thought that it really might have. Went up curb on Church St.; beyond doubt it took no effort at all; the usual effort you feel in lifting feet for steps. Shoes bothered me though; they seemed heavy, holding me down. I know this is silly, but felt scared that if lower part of body was dissolved; and all that was left was chest and shoulder and head region, then I would just fall down; a chest, shoulders, and head on street. Didn’t think I was going to do this; but the image popped into my head. By this time, worried to some degree but still enjoying the delightful...suspension...looked from Walnut Street through yards, to my own windows that showed through trees. Noticed that it seemed that I was floating by...rather than walking. Afraid I might...leave body or something...unprotected in street. Got home. Told Rob. He made me drink coffee, had me sniff ammonia.

(Got home about 1:50 PM Feelings continued, though beginning to lessen. At 3 PM though, just after I began writing this all down, went to downstairs front door to see if mailman had come, still felt same sensations though to lesser degree. Rob and I in living room area; I told him about the mailman and all of a sudden I had the odd and striking feeling as I walked around my table that I passed through a “hole of nothingness”—and passed out of it again immediately. It is now 4:15. I feel more like myself now, though tired. In fact, I’m OK now, or close to it.

(Guess I went too far again, without realizing it. Strange to me that the second experience began after eating lunch and while walking.

(When she returned home her eyes were very clear, her skin color good, her pulse normal. Her hands also felt normal. Her manner was quite smiling and relaxed and at the same time surprised. I was not concerned particularly, except on the general score that in these experiments I prefer to make haste slowly. She had no trouble talking, although as she walked about at times I noticed a lilt to her step; at other times her knees would bend a little more than usual, as though her legs were rubbery; but to no great degree.