“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Then, suddenly, the whole thing began. I was laying straight in bed, arms at my sides. Without warning I felt as if the bed was disappearing beneath my hands, as sand will shift away, leaving pockets of nothingness there, that kept enlarging. My thumbs definitely felt as if they were grasping the edge of these holes of nothingness; the holes enlarged further, spreading out beneath. A few minutes later, this is most difficult to describe, I felt a quick definite and physical whoosh outward as if I was suddenly shooting or rushing out through my head, longwise—strong frightening sense of motion and being completely carried away. Instantly panicked and stopped... whatever it was, at least I think I did.

(Then I was angry because I had been frightened but was still cautious and didn’t want to get in over my head. Told myself then that I could travel anyplace safely and return safely but that I would go slowly; that I was safe and confident and would welcome such a valid experience. Feeling resumed of bed disappearing beneath my hands. Strong red color behind closed eyelids. Feeling of heat in head, shoulders, back of neck, and then cold in same places. Sense of expanded radius inside closed eyelids. Then felt as if legs, arms, belly...dissolved, I guess is the best description. Feeling of suspension but not of motion. Then the alarm rang, yet still I lay there, had some slight difficulty in opening eyes but did so. Even with eyes open feeling of being suspended continued. Felt some resistance [on chest?] against rising, but decided it was not wise to experiment beyond normal time limit, and got up.

(It’s a terrific autumn day, sunny. Walked perhaps half a block or so. Remember thinking suddenly that Seth might say the following in tonight’s session: Material world of physical matter doesn’t actually exist as such at all, in a real sense. Atoms and molecules etc. are our names for the stuff of which we compose our images or transpose them into apparent validity. Then the next thing I remember is a marvelous feeling of lightness, I felt not so much buoyant as free of resistance; physical resistance. Free of physical bulk, of physical pressures, as say, sometimes we imagine we might have felt sometime in early childhood. This didn’t register at first though; just felt unusually good, enjoying my walk, conscious of the lightness of my step, aware of a satisfying unity with creation.

(Left; started way home. By now, however, felt as if lightness rose through body, and this changed so that suddenly I felt as if lower part of body had dissolved completely, up to chest. No muscular knowledge of carrying bag with three quarts of milk, and book and cigarettes that I’d purchased at all. Suddenly worried; realized for the first time that I wasn’t in state of something like just plain extraordinary good humor or good health or ordinary but unusual exuberance. First, I was aware that I felt as if body had dissolved below chest; but then thought that it really might have. Went up curb on Church St.; beyond doubt it took no effort at all; the usual effort you feel in lifting feet for steps. Shoes bothered me though; they seemed heavy, holding me down. I know this is silly, but felt scared that if lower part of body was dissolved; and all that was left was chest and shoulder and head region, then I would just fall down; a chest, shoulders, and head on street. Didn’t think I was going to do this; but the image popped into my head. By this time, worried to some degree but still enjoying the delightful...suspension...looked from Walnut Street through yards, to my own windows that showed through trees. Noticed that it seemed that I was floating by...rather than walking. Afraid I might...leave body or something...unprotected in street. Got home. Told Rob. He made me drink coffee, had me sniff ammonia.

(Got home about 1:50 PM Feelings continued, though beginning to lessen. At 3 PM though, just after I began writing this all down, went to downstairs front door to see if mailman had come, still felt same sensations though to lesser degree. Rob and I in living room area; I told him about the mailman and all of a sudden I had the odd and striking feeling as I walked around my table that I passed through a “hole of nothingness”—and passed out of it again immediately. It is now 4:15. I feel more like myself now, though tired. In fact, I’m OK now, or close to it.

(During the experience I viewed my environment from some sort of different perspective or something; everything looked terrific, extraordinarily brilliant. I felt very happy.

(Forgot to mention: during the morning experience, before the whole thing started, felt that “ecstasy” sensation, don’t know what else to call it; a physical flow of pleasurable waves over body.)

(As soon as Jane returned home from doing her errands and mentioned that she still “felt funny”, I suspected that we would see something like a repetition of her adventure of January 10, 1964, Volume 1, page 83. On page 89, in the 100th session, Seth had stated that Jane could allow herself more freedom now, and since she had mentioned the feeling of what she calls ecstasy to me this noon, I thought she was indeed doing more than usual. I also wondered whether she had done too much.

(Again, see my notes on pages 89-90, concerning Jane’s ecstasy. From some of her recent psy-time experiments I had thought she was close to achieving that state again. She had been giving herself suggestion lately, that she would be able to travel psychically, during her experiments. From the following session it will be seen that Jane was correct in thinking that the rushing-out sensation she felt, through the top of her head, was definitely an attempt at traveling.

(When she returned home her eyes were very clear, her skin color good, her pulse normal. Her hands also felt normal. Her manner was quite smiling and relaxed and at the same time surprised. I was not concerned particularly, except on the general score that in these experiments I prefer to make haste slowly. She had no trouble talking, although as she walked about at times I noticed a lilt to her step; at other times her knees would bend a little more than usual, as though her legs were rubbery; but to no great degree.

(The effects took some time to wear off. She first began to type up her copy on the experiment at about 2:30 PM, but appeared too relaxed to want to exert much effort in this direction. She had no trouble with coordination, [could type easily enough, etc.] as she had in the January episode, when she could not even use a pen effectively for a time. I felt that even at its height she understood the state she was in, and was not alarmed. She agreed with me that she had overdone it, however, and we spent some time discussing ways in which either of us could appreciate the first warning signals, and halt any experiment that involved too much, too fast.