“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

He is learning presently, and very well, to control this sometime condition; and it dwindles, to appear only occasionally in times of stress. Daily use of those particular back exercises, with their mental discipline, will further aid in his development, until he will find indeed that he can not only relax at will, but even when he does not have time to will relaxation, that is, relaxation will be the built-in conditioned reflex that panic used to be.

I do not mean, of course, that he will automatically turn into a jellyfish when a good fight may be called for. The use of psychological time, to some large degree, also performs this function. If he had set out, and he didn’t, to plan a process that would enable him to use his abilities to the fullest in his writing and other fields in which he is interested, and yet to discipline himself so that he did not scatter his abilities, if he had set out on a plan toward maturity, and to set definite controls upon his sometimes too fast, out-of-proportion responses, he could not have found a better path than the one which he is now following.

The use of full intuition with discipline and control, and a daily schedule that includes contemplation and a temporary relaxation and slowing down of bodily process, [means] he will live longer because of this, and his work will be deeper and of greater import.

I mention this particularly because of his panic reactions last week at the gallery. You may include this material or not in the records, as you choose. He fears authority. This fear of authority is one of the reasons for his admirable independence of mind and spirit.

It is also true that during certain periods of the month his hormones are more active, since he inhabits, and is, a woman this time. He also turned down rather coldly the man’s innocent enough invitation that you visit his home. You were indeed busy that evening, but this was not the reason for Ruburt’s refusal.

He is bound to set himself up as aloof and superior to the man in charge. He may be superior in many ways, but certainly not in all respects, and his disdainful reactions would naturally affect the poor new director. About him I will have something to say. Nevertheless you were right, Joseph, and certainly Ruburt’s attitude is at least partially to blame.

This indeed can be remedied, since Ruburt now is wise to it. The exercises and all the other measures which he has learned will stand him in good stead. The brooding, resentful inner mulling over of gallery problems is a tip-off that the panic bomb has been set off. But in this case he has thrown it out the window.

In earlier years such a situation was faced by Ruburt in a blind panic run from one end of the continent to another. So we may say that he has improved.

It is extremely difficult for Ruburt not to throw himself wholeheartedly and completely into whatever it is he is doing; and so it is no wonder that now and again he loses his fairly adequate detachment on a job. But then he feels himself engulfed.

He can’t crack a smile without fearing that this will be taken as a sign of apple polishing, because apple polishing of course implies a feeling of inferiority on the part of the apple polisher. To make sure that no such impression can be given by him, he resorts to sarcasm, and upon a few occasions downright rudeness, that is bound to make the receiver less than happy.

He, your director, has gamely held his ground. His insistence upon detail Ruburt takes as personal offense. The man is simply a stickler for detail. He is not rubbing Ruburt’s nose in every misspelled word, nor is he suggesting, as Ruburt suspects, that Ruburt is a mental numbskull because he is a poor speller.

Privately, your director can see no reason why anyone who is educated cannot spell properly, but he has bent over backward not to give this impression. Out of pure perversity Ruburt has refused to learn how to spell. If authority says spell a word one way, Ruburt defiantly spells it another.

At the same time he chooses words as the basis for his art. Here he gets back at authority. He communicates to the authoritative world at large original, excellent, sharp and concisive ideas, through words that are consistently misspelled.

I am not suggesting that he throw bouquets or roses at his rather flowery-attired male director, but he can at least hold back the daggers. You may find that the man can be most enjoyable in the future. He is extremely insecure, hiding behind compulsive attention to details.

He tends them so that they will guard him. They protect him from inner impulses. They are the pickets of his fence. They hide the inner extravagance which he fears, gives in to in partially accepted ways. He thrives on praise; so, true to form, the giant killer Ruburt insults him to his face.

He could be vindictive if treated in this manner for long, as rejection of the type that Ruburt is handing out frightens and confuses him. Ruburt is usually at least fair. The man has rather glaring faults, it is true, but they are not deadly ones. Nor would a bit of kindness be demeaning Ruburt.

He, Ruburt, definitely thinks it would be. He can be extremely unbending, but I believe that this session will help matters considerably. I am speaking now of the situation as it exists in the present. Ruburt was jealous for his own authority at the gallery. He did not want to accept full responsibility for the gallery, and yet he wanted definite responsibility along definite, limited lines.

When he has not sold any stories or books for a while, then he looks around for other ego satisfactions in the outside world, in other fields, for which he is actually not willing to pay the price. He is just not that interested in any career outside of writing. Had the ESP book been instantly grabbed up, nothing at the gallery would have bothered him.

He looks for satisfaction for his ego in the outside world when it has been bruised because of a rejection slip. Torrents of energy, both constructive and aggressive, suddenly are let loose where he works, and woe to all around.

He starts fighting for position and authority, for which under ordinary circumstances he couldn’t care less. This is confusing to those who work with him. This is not to say that he does not have grievances, or that he is not worth more money, but he wants more money for prestige reasons, rather than practical ones.

If he is not able to see himself at all times as a successful, earning writer, then he feels like a fool in other areas also, and is suddenly enraged over situations at the gallery which, while not the best, hardly bother him at all when he is selling his writing.

This session should certainly help clear the situation generally, and certainly help Ruburt distinguish real grievances from projected ones. Ruburt can at least be pleasant. It should also help to still his frequent tirades at home against the gallery; but when his emotions do overflow or have overflown into speech, it has been beneficial, very much more so than if he had let them build up into a storm of frightening proportions.

It might even help Ruburt to see the director when he was not in a position of authority that he felt honor bound to uphold. I did not mean to take the whole session up with private matter. Nevertheless it is well that this material came through.

There is more that I would say, but I have aroused Ruburt enough for one night. He will get tense from blocking me if we continue along these lines.

(Seth has mentioned this before; this time I was ready with my question when he mentioned this preparation again. But all I got for my pains was a smile from Jane.)