“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

First of all if you’ll forgive me, I would like to go into the situations culminating in your illness of this time last winter. Your psychic state of nervousness, fear, lack of confidence and lack of focus as far as utilizing your artistic abilities were concerned, began to build up like many encircling walls. The ego imprisoned you more and more. Your subconscious healing abilities and the hidden subconscious vitality beneath became dammed up, seemingly with no means of release.

Nevertheless, the ego is the tool by which the hidden self manipulates in the physical universe as you know it. The ego enables you to use or focus your artistic ability along the lines necessary to make it effective on your plane. However when the ego becomes involved with fears to a greater or lesser extent, it ceases to be an effective tool and becomes instead a hammer hitting you incessantly over the head.

Now when this ego becomes overly concerned over practical matters it becomes overly conditioned to negative responses. The outer senses are not as quick or as fluent. The creative energies build up their thickly-dimensioned pseudorealities of pain. For a certain amount of time, according to your condition, they automatically create the patterns of fear that belong to the ego.

These fears do not belong to the subconscious. Then these materializations of panic and pain play about the physical body, projected by the ego and stealing the powers of the subconscious mind from their natural constructive tasks to do so. In other words, the ego becomes a tool to disrupt rather than to create.

Trust your intuitions. You do have them. There is absolutely no need for you to fear them. You have made up for your mistakes, Joseph. At one time in your development I admit your impulses were not of the best. That is no reason to club them to death now.

The viruses and infections were of course present. They always are. They are themselves fragments, struggling small fragments without intention of harm. You have general immunity, believe it or not, to all such viruses and infections. Ideally you can inhabit a plane with them without fear. It is only when you give tacit agreement that harm is inflicted upon you by these fragments. To some degree, lesser, dependent lives such as household pets are dependent upon your psychic strength. They have their own, it is true, but unknowingly you reinforce their energy and health.

This is certainly contradictory. Fantasy left you cold. I say this icily. Intellectually you would have no part in it, yet your imagination spun its fantastic web despite the fact that you believed in neither fantasy or web. Your artwork showed promise from the beginning. Your imagination was rich and varied. But you so feared your present mother’s sense of exaggeration, that led often to sheer though unwitting lies and dishonesty, that you denied the capacity of the imagination lest it also lead you into ways of deceit.

This of course happened at a young age. At the same time as a young child you almost adored your mother. This led to these conflicting feelings toward freedom of the subconscious and of the imagination. Reinforcing this unfortunate circumstance, we have the carry-over distrust of impulse from the Denmark existence. Ordinarily the last life before this would have adequately compensated for the Denmark experience, but the mother situation in this life reawakened the fear of giving in to impulse, and tended to overstrengthen the desire for discipline, which was based on fear.