“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

It is also highly charged to hide from yourself the fact that, as a cousin of Richelieu, you dwelt in a highly artificial intellectualized environment in which words were spoken about constantly without any understanding, and in which you personally held forth using words to cower both your friends and later the masses. And so now you pretend a vulgar, earthy, frank, common behavior that does not fit the inner self and yet fools you on an egotistical basis very well. However, it also serves to blunt your own abilities and to cause inner behavior that, again, is not suited to your capacities for it causes you to pretend not to understand that which you do well understand and therefore to block from your ego information that is otherwise quite plain.

Now that is one level, and on another level you think, “I am of the earth and strong and vital, and those who rely upon such thin, high, intellectual matter do not know what they are talking about. I can be brutal in my honesty but at least I am honest and I do not play with words.” And this is a personality that you have set up for yourself because behind it all in the French court you glorified in the use of words, in the high play of intellect in what now to you would seem to be surface, artificial qualities of stereotyped verbal behavior. You are quite able to follow any discussion in this room and it is about time that you realized it and used those intellectual abilities that are your own, and it is about time that you stopped telling yourself that you do not understand that which you well understand. I am onto you.

This great pretense of ignorance is amusing and I will not let you get by with it. It is studied behavior. You were eloquent in French and in Latin. Abelard du Joulin.

A dandy was a gentleman with high and fine and fancy white fluffed collars in the latest fashion, who wore girdles and bound in his waist, who was flirtatious and usually quite artificial in behavior, who dealt above all things in ritualized verbal activities, who got where he could get anyway he could.

No one forces you to go up onto the high board. And you do not go there unless you have some confidence in your own behavior.

Because you projected this upon her, and at one time it was a very safe place to project such feelings. There was a relationship in the past but not a deep one. You were simply afraid of expressing the feelings in any capacity, and projected them, therefore, upon a person who subconsciously you felt would not be able to reciprocate. You very nicely projected them upon a person who was bonded as you were by all kinds of taboos, specifically against any such behavior, where they would be least reciprocated in physical terms, when any such action would automatically involve all kinds of guilt and retaliation, the most difficult position of which you could conceive. You would have projected them upon a priest, but this frightened you even more because the male relationship held for you a feeling of terror. You did not, you see, project them upon a person who could immediately answer them in kind, with no strings attached; but a relationship could be easy, open, and immediate.

(To April.) Now over here  until you have been here longer, I do not have too much to say to you for there is much that you must learn, and you might misinterpret what I might say—only that I am aware of your motives, and that there are reasons behind all behavior and all events, though they seem to you quite tragic. That there is meaning, therefore, in your child’s life and existence and even in your attitudes toward the child; and that in your terms, regardless of what happens, the child has a future, and that all endings are new beginnings.