“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

You (Rachel) are somewhat like Ruburt, in that you are gifted but you are also highly cautious. You know very well that you are gifted. You are concentrating upon your job and upon physical security, and you are determined that you will be well cared for in your later years. All your conscious efforts are focused in that direction. And at the present time you are not willing to give that much attention to these other portions of your personality that you recognize do exist. And you have recognized your own gifts for some time. You are much more aware of your inner travels than you think you are. You know more about your nightly excursions than you admit to yourself. You come to class because you like me—you also come to class because it is your contact with this inner reality and you do not want to lose contact with it. You are not willing, however, to go all the way, at this point. You can, however, allow yourself more freedom than you are now allowing yourself. And I tell you this honestly—you can afford yourself more freedom than you are presently allowing yourself. You are afraid for example that in psychological time—granted you find the physical time for it—you will take needed energy away from your physical pursuits. Now I tell you, you are overly concerned with these pursuits, that you could get the same results by trying less, by being freer. You are trying too hard... you can get better results by being freer—in your relationships with those with whom you work and in your own attitude—you will get better physical results. You will also get better physical results if you will allow yourself more inner freedom for you will gain energy and strength that you need now. You will not be depleted, but refreshed.

Also, there is an old relationship here going back some many centuries and not of an important nature. But there was an acquaintanceship when you knew each other and you realized this.

There is a friend of yours who does not have too much time here. Now I am speaking comparatively and am not giving you times and dates. This is a male. It is a strange relationship you had, for he was an uncle of yours in a past life. And there are undercurrents that still remain. The undercurrents are important—they make sense of a relationship that otherwise would make you question it—for why do you like this person so much, you see? And he was a beloved uncle. Now there seems to be another younger man connected perhaps with one of your daughters, who may be offered either a new job or something new in his line of work that may tax him and yet he will feel that he must accept it—for he is driven by ambition—and he will accept it. There is also a younger woman close to you and with her there will be an entirely new turn, a change of lifestyle.

([Brad:] “In many ways my relationship with my wife has been destructive. I am now at a crossroads where I could end this relationship. However, I feel a strong relationship with her, perhaps a karmic relationship—something I must solve with her in this life. “)

Now. There is not a karmic relationship with her. She stands in your mind for someone else with whom you did have a karmic relationship. That is not, however, your main problem. You have attempted in many ways to set up a strong relationship with your environment. You have tried to do this through weight. You have tried to say, “I am here solidly. (Pause.) Look at me. Who is more real than I for I take up so many inches of space? I weigh so much, I am here.” At the same time, you were afraid of physical reality, and because of your environment in this life, you are afraid that you could not deal with it. You must first prove to yourself that you can indeed deal with it.

([Brad:] “Could a new relationship with her exist with me as the dominant?”)

I did not say “dominant” nor did I imply a relationship of dominancy in those terms. I am speaking of a relationship whereby you as an individual know you can hold your own in physical reality. This does not, therefore, imply a position of dominancy.

This is a natural situation. However, the situation is a cover over the initial problem. And you will get nowhere—either in the relationship or without it—until you assert yourself in relation to your environment and realize that you are strong enough on your own to survive in physical reality. This is the problem that has been shielded behind the relationship. It is your fear that you could not survive that made you cling to the relationship. And it is still that fear that would make you want to continue it.

As to the relationship with you and your wife, it has changed—it may change for the better if you use the opportunity.

That is a possibility, but if it occurs, it will no longer be the same relationship—and it should not be, and must not be, your main concern—for it is a shield for the deeper problem.

For many reasons having to do with your own past existence, and with your mother in this life, there was a basic insecurity and a feeling that you were not strong enough to survive on your own. This is what you must solve, and you are now ready to solve it, or the relationship between you and your wife would not have reached this point.

Consciously you knew this was a rich country in your present life, but unconsciously you held to these old feelings of fear. Now these old feelings also hung over you in that you felt that existence was much more difficult than it actually is now, and you are still relating to this old existence where times were so difficult. Now in that time, you definitely needed—and you had—someone to help you. In that life, in that life of which I am speaking—you had a man, roughly resembling your wife in bone structure, and in temperament. This man was not a family relationship...was not in a family relationship. He befriended you; you depended upon him. You have projected this upon your wife. The man was the kind who gained feelings of superiority and pleasure from helping you, but also helped you quite legitimately and kindly. When you found this sort of a woman in this life, for your own reasons, you were attracted to her. Now she, for quite other reasons, was attracted to you, but you have been terrified that alone you could not make it and would not survive.

Now. These feelings have been buried in your psyche, and they are no more legitimate than are the feelings concerning your weight that we have dealt with. You can and will survive. Now in the past existence, you were younger than this older man and you were constantly trying to prove to him that you could do without him, and so you are constantly trying to prove to your wife that you can do without her in that particular respect. And you can. But you are afraid that you could not. This put a strain on the relationship on your part but she also put strains upon the relationship that we shall not go into this evening, for her own reasons.

You may, but the point is, you must know that the tree in the forest survives, and it reaches toward the sun. And you as an individual can survive, andthen you are free to make other relationships—and in a wholesome and constructive manner. You must feel your oneness and your safety with the physical reality that you know. You must realize that you are projecting these insecurities from a past existence when you were indeed frightfully insecure. Therefore, you made demands upon this woman that she could not fulfill and she resented them. Now. She also made demands upon you, for her own reasons and we shall try to go into this some evening.

But you will find that it is easy for you to support yourself, to find in other words a position and to hold it well, when you realize that these fears are projections from another time that have no relationship to the environment in which you now find yourself.