“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

You (Rachel) are somewhat like Ruburt, in that you are gifted but you are also highly cautious. You know very well that you are gifted. You are concentrating upon your job and upon physical security, and you are determined that you will be well cared for in your later years. All your conscious efforts are focused in that direction. And at the present time you are not willing to give that much attention to these other portions of your personality that you recognize do exist. And you have recognized your own gifts for some time. You are much more aware of your inner travels than you think you are. You know more about your nightly excursions than you admit to yourself. You come to class because you like me—you also come to class because it is your contact with this inner reality and you do not want to lose contact with it. You are not willing, however, to go all the way, at this point. You can, however, allow yourself more freedom than you are now allowing yourself. And I tell you this honestly—you can afford yourself more freedom than you are presently allowing yourself. You are afraid for example that in psychological time—granted you find the physical time for it—you will take needed energy away from your physical pursuits. Now I tell you, you are overly concerned with these pursuits, that you could get the same results by trying less, by being freer. You are trying too hard... you can get better results by being freer—in your relationships with those with whom you work and in your own attitude—you will get better physical results. You will also get better physical results if you will allow yourself more inner freedom for you will gain energy and strength that you need now. You will not be depleted, but refreshed.

This is a natural situation. However, the situation is a cover over the initial problem. And you will get nowhere—either in the relationship or without it—until you assert yourself in relation to your environment and realize that you are strong enough on your own to survive in physical reality. This is the problem that has been shielded behind the relationship. It is your fear that you could not survive that made you cling to the relationship. And it is still that fear that would make you want to continue it.

Consciously you knew this was a rich country in your present life, but unconsciously you held to these old feelings of fear. Now these old feelings also hung over you in that you felt that existence was much more difficult than it actually is now, and you are still relating to this old existence where times were so difficult. Now in that time, you definitely needed—and you had—someone to help you. In that life, in that life of which I am speaking—you had a man, roughly resembling your wife in bone structure, and in temperament. This man was not a family relationship...was not in a family relationship. He befriended you; you depended upon him. You have projected this upon your wife. The man was the kind who gained feelings of superiority and pleasure from helping you, but also helped you quite legitimately and kindly. When you found this sort of a woman in this life, for your own reasons, you were attracted to her. Now she, for quite other reasons, was attracted to you, but you have been terrified that alone you could not make it and would not survive.